Practically everyone has got an ex, or two, or twenty! A problem arises when the decision to split was not your own – or else dependent on circumstances rather than incompatibility. In this case you might still not be over your wonderful incomparable previous partner enough to move on.
People might be eye-rolling and shaking their heads all they like but you are still adamant that you must get one last chance at making it work. So for those of you that want to go down this road, regardless of all advice to the contrary, here are some tips that might actually work.
The very first thing I insist on is to NEVER initiate contact for at least four weeks after the break-up. This is because in the heat of those final dreadful days before a split or sometimes even after it, both of you are on the defensive. Both are unsure of yourselves and your position. You may have even said or did things that hurt the other. Time apart will give both of you a chance to calm down, think things through rationally, and actually get to that point where you know for sure whether you miss the other person or not.
After the arguments are over and you’ve both got a few weeks of space apart, just one ‘like’ on their Facebook post or picture, else a ‘good luck’ message when they have something big coming up, might get the conversation going again. Show your still-loved-one that you are ready to start over without mentioning the past fights.
Sometimes we tend to criticise those closest to us instead of showing them how much we value them. If this might have been the case for you, make sure to show your ex you still remember their good side too. Focus on their good traits and feel grateful for them, rather than thinking of the bad. Call me an eternal optimist but a change in mindset can actually change the relationship for the better. What would it be like if your partner made you feel you could never do anything right?
If you get to the lucky point where you do meet again, make sure to trigger the good memories. Mention incidents that you both love, wear something you remember them loving, put on their favourite perfume. Even things such as that picnic blanket or maybe the sunglasses you ‘forgot’ at theirs when they first invited you in for coffee might help rekindle the romance.
All this said, never let an ex see that you ‘need’ them. Rather, show them that you are perfectly capable of being independent. Make it clear that should the two of you start dating again, it has nothing to do with being needy and all to do with appreciating their good qualities and choosing to ‘give them’ another chance.
NB: Always respect yourself before and above everyone else. If you see that your ex is either genuinely not interested or cannot commit, you should love yourself more than them and call it quits for good. Which is why my next article is about How To Get Over Your Ex.