As a strong independent woman, you have a full and happy life, and certainly aren’t desperate to be in a relationship. Still, deep down you know that with the right man it could enhance your happiness, but at the moment there are some challenges.
Many women get stuck in a cycle of over-giving to the wrong partners, staying in unhappy relationships, or not dating at all. For example my client below, let’s call her Annie, says, “I’m not going to change, I’m a strong, dynamic woman, and if a man can’t appreciate that, he’s not for me. I expect a man to step up. Why should I initiate? I’m exhausted trying to make things happen. They’re too feminine. The only way it will happen is with luck and by chance, and if it doesn’t so be it.”
Women like Annie begin to blame all men, themselves, their age or circumstances beyond their control, without recognising how much influence and power they have to change their results. Do my former client’s comments resonate with you?
She’s a PhD running a successful practice, sporty, gorgeous, well- travelled – a catch! And men consistently do NOT pursue her, fade out after a bit of flirtation or a few dates, then disappear. I coached this lovely lady last year, and this was her update when we touched base recently.
Does this story have a great happy ending? Sadly not. In all things romance, unlike the other areas of her life, she has a fixed mindset, complete with rigid, inflexible opinions, which have hardened her natural magnetic radar that captivates and inspires attraction in high-calibre men.
She has given up because she refuses to accept her power and influence over her results. This keeps her in the comfortable place of blaming external circumstances and men. She deserves love and has a lot of love to give, but she’s staying in her own way for now.
Don’t let that be you! You will attract all sorts of men, and there are plenty of undesirable ones out there. I’ve met a few too! These types of men are easy to filter out so that you can focus on allowing the emotionally mature, confident, relationship-minded men out there looking to discover you.
The reality is that you might NOT be inspiring attraction from them because:
1) You’re so used to being in control and making things happen that, as a side effect, you have an overdeveloped masculine side. It is needed to take care of yourself, your career, home, family, but your magnetic feminine side is neglected and shuts down. Your natural radiance, feminine confidence and availability aren’t shining through to quality men, and that’s what they notice.
2) You’ve become so comfortable being independent and looking out for yourself. The problem with this is that you’ve unconsciously developed a layer of armour that has blocked your heart to love. Even though you’re available and putting yourself out there, you’re actually not fully available. This keeps you stuck attracting unavailable, unimpressive men – or no one at all.
3) You’re frustrated that men don’t take initiative, step up and pursue you. Many women aren’t comfortable being pursued, and you might be unconsciously preventing it.
4) You have underlying judgements or fears about men that are sabotaging you and sending signals that you’re unapproachable, preventing men from feeling safe to invest.
These examples are more common than you might realise, and a man will never tell you openly. Instead he’ll fade out, or disappear.
Dating and relationships don’t grow, mature and evolve at the same pace as does society does. We’re trying to attract the best quality, happy, healthy relationship which you deserve, but with faulty programming, old conditioning, and without a clear modern roadmap for success. This way of doing dating and relationships manifests itself in your results that are far from those you deserve.
In our careers, business skills, social life, travel, well-being, health, motherhood, fitness and self-care, we become proficient and savvy, we develop and get support, while leaving one of the most important relationships in our lives to chance. The most important thing we can do for ourselves is to sharpen our interpersonal and relationship skills consistently, as much as every other area of our lives.
Why wouldn’t we when it’s so important? You have the power and influence to change the quality of your romantic life if you allow it. That’s why I offer Love.Smart strategy calls to help people shift the trajectory of their romantic life.