A baby thrives on loving touch, especially from the mother. A mother, too, feels good from the child’s touch. This is the starting point in human life. From there it can go downhill.
Many younger Maltese people tell me that they never saw their parents hug, or even kiss. Touch has become an unnatural and awkward activity. Their own relationships are affected by this example.
I have given a couples workshop (outside Malta) in which I asked each couple to undertake an exercise to give each other slow sensual touch. The result surprised me. Many needed guidance. Much of the society is deprived of touch.
Some of us are “touchy-feely” people and will hug friends at each meeting. Others hold back in fear of giving the wrong message, such as “I am touching you because I would like a relationship with you”. When unsure that someone wants a hug when you meet them open your arms as a silent invitation. When they see this they will respond with an embrace, or they won’t. Either response is good. You did not make them feel uncomfortable by crossing their boundaries.
Even in marriage, a woman not believing in contraception closes to the husband for fear of pregnancy. Loving touch does not have to lead to penetrative sex to be satisfying to each partner. What we like to call tantric touch can be a beautiful safe connection between partners, and certainly keeps relationships alive and indeed can help them to grow deeper.
Touch stimulates the “feel good” chemical oxytocin. If you don’t receive touch consider having a massage, or learning a contact dance like Argentine tango. Be more ‘cuddly’ with your partner, friends or family.
Self-touch is an important practice which can make you feel good, relaxed, and learn what your body likes. Learn to love your body. Take a few minutes each day and run your fingers slowly and consciously over the whole body, including sexual organs. Use a massage oil like pure coconut or sweet almond oil. Tell yourself “I love you”. Positive words bring positive feelings.
In a couple, learn to touch each other. Choose a relaxed position. Take a few deep breaths together. Focus your attention as a giver to the touch to the receiver. Move slowly across the skin, using light touch, in straight lines, in circles, as you feel is right but keep flowing. Ask the recipient for feedback. What feels good? What does not feel good? Later add oil if desired. Avoid at first genitals and breasts but you can come to those later by agreement.
Regular practice together is a great bonding experience and allows the recipient to open to greater sensitivity. Touched correctly the whole woman’s body can become an erogenous zone, and after time and increasing sensitivity the combination of sensual touch, conscious breathing and focus of energy by the giver can bring the woman (men too) to a whole body orgasm without touching the genital area. That is advanced stuff, but I can vouch that it happens.
To learn more about sensual touch workshops, email firstname.lastname@example.org.