For the first time in my life, I have observed that most of my single friends are incredibly lonely… Why?
When you’re in your late teens and early 20s, being single can be a blessing. There’s no one to tell you what you can and can’t do. No one monitors who you hang out with. There is no one to stop you from flirting, having one night-stands, or drunk-kissing half the club.
Yet, as I approached my late twenties, something shifted. My friends, who had once been the life and soul of every party we attended, lost their lustre. The ones who had once enjoyed playing hedonists, had somehow lost their vigour. And so did I.
It’s crazy, to be honest. I look at my single friends and I see wonderful, successful people with a lot to offer a partner – and I’d like to think that I’m that, too. And, yet, we’re all single and looking. Worse than that, however, we’re all lonely.
Not only despots are lonely today
At this point in life I am looking for something meaningful. But, for the first time in a long time, I’m not sure if I’m looking for something meaningful because I’m ready or because I’m lonely. These days, when I get into bed alone, I feel incomplete. When I go to a party with a friend, I feel like I should have had a partner to bring along. Somehow, it feels like I am not living the life I should have been living – or the life I was made to believe would be mine by this age.
It has become all-consuming and the more people I speak to, the more I realise that I am not alone in suffering from loneliness. And that, in my opinion, explains the rise in social media sites like Facebook, and apps like Tinder (read about dating apps here, here and here). It gives us a fake sense of not being alone; of having options; of having friends.
Still, as much as we talk and express ourselves more today than ever before, we rarely reveal how we truly feel. We rarely admit that we hate where we are in life; that being successful at work, making it to the end of the party, and the material possessions we have amassed, have not made us happier. What scares me, though, is whether being in a relationship would make it all go away. Because, quite frankly, if that doesn’t work, then I don’t know what will.
Do you ever feel lonely? Can you relate to what James has written?
Let us know in the comments section below.