We read bedtime stories and watch movies about the brawl of family members, fighting tooth and nail over sons and daughters. We know countless shows about the love one feels for the other. Even the diabolic series of Vampire Diaries manifests a true concept and positive meaning to the love of brotherhood; the bond of blood.
But what happens when that bond is broken by one of those who leaves and never comes back? What happens to the rest of the family members when the beautiful portrait is cracked and can never be replaced?
Being a young adult when my parents’ marital dissolution took place, I thought I could handle it more effectively than a child would have. They’ll tell you that a separation at a tender age is brutal, but believe me, it’s worse when you’re aware of what’s really going on. You end up hearing about what really happened instead of them burying the hatchet and trying to be your hero so as to win over your heart and keep you on their side.
It starts to hit you like a whirlwind. The abandonment of trying to reach your mother but she’s unreachable as she’s on a date, trying to reach your dad but he’s abroad with a couple of friends. It’s the struggle to make it on your own instead of depending on them since they’re trying to start their life again from nothing. After twenty-eight years of marriage, it kind of takes its toll, and who can blame them? You therefore start to think if this is how your life is going to end up. Am I going to love someone with all my might, and then when I’m 50, they’ll leave and take everything with them… except for the kids and the dog? So you start loving a little less and neglecting a little more. The values that you had of that beautiful family are all swept away with one slam of the door.
When all this happened, I had a child of my own, and I’m now producing the second one as we speak. So how did I get over my fears of being left on the side curb twenty years from now? How was I able to trust again? To be honest, I think you might never get rid of the negative images and thoughts in your mind when all the good memories deteriorate into bitter sweet ones. But with bitterness comes hard work, so you start to laugh a little harder and shine a little brighter. You have to remember the good times and rejoice in them like they’re the only things you have.
Fulfill your life with dreams that you know are not legitimate for now, but you should still do your best to make them happen. And most of all, you must love, love like it’s the last day of your life and not just your partner, but your colleagues, the confectionery owner next door, the old man who waits for you to park your car before you head to the office… Show gratitude when deemed fit. Hope, hoping that everything will turn out just right at the end. But most of all laugh, as laughter is the key to a brighter day. During those two minutes you spend laughing, all the blood, sweat and tears you’re dealing with behind closed doors seem far away, and you feel refreshed even just for a second. This is what keeps you going and hanging in there.
Most importantly, talk about it, with friends or even a therapist if need be. It does change who you are and how you interpret love and marriage, but I’ve kept one thing in mind: I do not want my children or my partner to feel neglect the way I did. So bring the genie out of the bottle in order for you to face it and put it at rest. After that, you’ll start to experience the life we see in the movies and read in the books. It is achievable. Happiness is within us; you just have to search long and hard for it. But it’s worth it in the end.