So the title made you look! Good.
Awakened women are ready and waiting for conscious men, but some haven’t learnt to be conscious yet. Sex often lasts for just five to fifteen minutes. The man’s focus tends to be on his pleasure and the release of stress, and so the woman can sometimes be seen as just an object to satisfy his needs and fantasies. After comes the anti-climax and a need for more. Then he jumps from the bed or takes a cigarette to complete the disconnection with the woman, while she wants to be held, and still feel him inside or close to her. She’s often not satisfied and not achieving orgasm. For some men, this is just a conquest. This is mind sex. Thankfully, not all men are like this.
Look at heart sex. We’re not separate from our sexuality. Sexuality is the life-force energy, and when used properly, it can be the physical and emotional oneness with our spirituality. Approach sex from the heart, not from the mind.
In Hindu culture, the lingam (penis) is considered to be the beam of light, and the yoni (vulva), the temple. Come to the temple to worship the Divine through the most wondrous gift of nature. Men can come to the temple with respect and honour, not for a quick grope and a fast goal to sexual fulfillment.
Orgasm and ejaculation are not the same thing, and can be separated. Men naturally ejaculate without control, but when a man starts to practice control, then the whole game changes. Practice using the pelvic floor muscles, which we use to control urinating. When urinating, use the muscles to stop the flow, then release to allow the flow again. Regular control of these muscles can give you the ability to control them during sex.
There is a point about 3cm below the testicles. Press hard on this for 15 to 20 seconds when you come close to ejaculation. That can stop the flow of semen. At the same time, breathe deeply and visualise the breath rising from the sexual chakra up through the other main chakras to the crown (top of the head). As arousal builds, the man normally tenses his muscles. To control ejaculation, you must do the opposite and relax them. Feel the energy rising up the spine from the sexual area to the top of the head.
Ejaculation is a large loss of energy. Following the procedure above, men can learn to control whether they ejaculate or not, and the result can be more powerful with longer lasting orgasms and the retention of energy. Breathe together, breathe alternately; as one breathes in, the other breathes out creating a flow of energy. With practice, energy orgasm can take place even without penetration or genital touch, especially for the sensitive woman.
Anything tantric is a balance of the masculine nature of consciousness with the feminine nature of flow and emotion. In tantric sex, we find the coming together of masculine and feminine energies and bodies slowly, consciously and from the hearts. This takes time and there’s no hurry and no goal to achieve anything, except to connect more deeply with the partner and for a longer time, and to be totally present with no expectations.
The founding image of tantric sex is the woman sitting on and facing the man (also sitting), with her legs around him. This is known as the yab yum position. Movement is not necessary except for breathing, or they move together with the breath. From this, orgasm can happen. Any intimate activity can be conscious, slow, sensual – tantric.
Discuss this with your partner and ask of each other the chance give yourselves space to develop these techniques, preceded by slow sensual touch to the whole body. She’ll love the deeper connection. Even without orgasm, this can be more satisfying than a quickie with ejaculation. This is a spiritual experience, a meditation which can bring partners closer together. Therefore, this is best shared with the same partner, as this journey is a process for both.