We’ve all heard hideous names. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve heard a mother shout out their child’s name, only for my reflex reaction to be masking a chuckle or eye roll.
Why would you give your child a name that could potentially be the target of taunt or laughter? Do parents nowadays understand that bullying is still very rampant? Not only that, but as if it weren’t bad enough, now said taunting extends to cyber bullying, and with many kids nowadays having their own Facebook account, it can get very nasty really quickly. So let’s delve deeper into the creative juices of said parents…
The Androgynous Hybrid
Admittedly, these are on the top of my least-favourite list, and they include botched up names like: Josmar, Shaunvic and Marcon, whose parents, I’m guessing, were named Joseph & Marija, Shaun & Victoria and Mario & Connie, respectively. How cute.
The Linguistic Tragedy
What many people fail to understand is the fact that people don’t think about the nicknames or derisive quips their names could generate. To give you a hint, think about the names Horace and Joshua, and let yourself mull over the barrage of teases their names can be the target of.
The Ode to Maltese Phonetics
Think on the lines of names such as Alix instead of Alex, and Mixhal instead of Michelle, who’ll probably grow up to befriend a girl called Defne. Then there’s Delyth, which although in Welsh translates to ‘neat and pretty’, when read in a Maltese accent, sounds like ‘murder’. Then you have the collection of traditional names massacred: Kristjan, Elexja, Xon, Xerin.
The All-Rounder Train Wreck
This list includes completely ‘creative’ names that cannot be traced back to any context or to any particular meaning. These include innovative names like Shaziah, Sherizyenn, Ajson, Bitania, Kelzen and Clayona Carrielis.
The Tongue Twisters
Ah, the obligatory tongue-twisters, which, with each passing year, are becoming more common and thus more of a challenge. Some of the best include Thisseanne, Shaznolee, Zanishielle, Zashielle, Zeshinzer, Zhayouna, Zadeyshia, Zaleishia, Zakishyia-Ann.
The One-Syllable, Three-Lettered Names
There was also an increase in popularity of three-lettered names. Forget the classics such as Eva, Eve, Lee or Amy. There’s also Ema, Eli, Ela, Ena and Ana, which are not so uncommon or eccentric. However, recently there have been some very original contributions such as Kai, Izz and Vuk, Una and Ada, Aya and Jad.
The Celebrity-Inspired Names
Needless to say, Hollywood always leaves an imprint on people’s bouts of inspiration, with babies named after people in celebrity spheres. I mean, why wouldn’t there be, right? There’s Ashton after Ashton Kutcher, Diaz who got her name from the surname of actress Cameron Diaz and good old baby Angelina Joyce. Wow, just, wow.
I must admit, I’m always at a loss as to whether laugh or weep for humanity when I hear about such names. Let’s be honest, some creations seem to defy all understanding. I wonder if a time will come when there will be tough legislation, reigning parents in when naming their poor kid.
The most obvious explanation for the free-for-all naming debauchery is that parents feel they want their kids to be different, and that there’s no other way for this to occur than to give them an exclusive name. They may think it’s fun and will cause no harm, since it distinguishes their child from anyone else. But let’s face it, parents need to be more mindful when it comes to names.
Believe it or not, the above list I provided you with are all real names, most of which are on the Public Registry for babies born just last year. So, you might ask, does the Public Registry have any control over names?
According to Article 242 (1) of the Civil Code (chapter 16): “The director shall not receive any act which is not written in clear and legible characters, or which contains abbreviations, or which may appear to him to be otherwise defective or irregular.”
I think it’s still a far cry from protecting our future generations from the collection of letter debris that some people classify as names. Alas, the mind boggles.
Have you heard other original names you think are worthy of sharing with us?
Let us know in the comment section below.