It is a truth universally acknowledged that it is much harder for a woman to reach orgasm than it is for a man.

It’s a fact – nearly all men climax without difficulty, and yet women seem to need more attention and more effort on the part of their partner to reach the pleasure peak of the so-called Big-O. So much so in fact, that until a few decades ago, doctors even believed that it was scientifically impossible for most women to reach this sexual climax at all. In certain cultures, those who actually did were sometimes even considered to be unnatural by their husbands or partners.

On the other hand, nowadays we get a totally opposite yet still wrong picture through porn and the media, which portray women orgasming vociferously and vigorously multiple times as a matter of course. Unfortunately, reality is quite different!



Not all of us are automatically turned on every time we’re confronted by an excited male, nor is it so easy to reach sexual gratification just because someone squeezes our booty or jumps up and down on us a couple of times. Yes, women can reach orgasm too, but no, they do not reach this sexual target as automatically and easily as men do.

Why? Because apparently while men only seem to need a visual and physical stimulus for them to reach a certain state of excitement, women also need a mental and/or emotional stimulus.

There are two types of orgasms. These are vaginal orgasms and clitoral orgasms. Sigmund Freud, the father of psycho-analysis, used to believe that older women had vaginal orgasms, while younger and more immature women had clitoral orgasms. Experts no longer believe this. However, Freud was right in thinking that there were two kinds of orgasm. This was also maintained in a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2013, which showed how ultrasound tests revealed that the two kinds of orgasms – clitoral and vaginal – differ in blood flow and sensations produced.



French gynaecologists Odile Buisson and Emmanuele A. Jannini tracked blood pressure and patterns as it flowed through the female body and organs, and they saw changes in blood flow during different types of stimulating contacts. Findings, according to the study, showed that “during external clitoral stimulation, the orgasm did not involve the internal root of the clitoris. However, during vaginal stimulation, due to the movements and displacements, both the root and the external clitoris were involved. The researchers found this difference affected blood flow and therefore led to a difference in sensation.” Different theories about this issue abound, and many argue that the vaginal orgasm doesn’t actually exist.

The point however, is that women DO orgasm, they DO reach sexual climax, and it would therefore be utterly selfish for any lover or partner to encourage intimacy while having the sole target of reaching climax himself in mind, without taking into account the physical need of his partner as well.

What men should remember first and foremost is that most women find it difficult to reach sexual climax if they’re stressed, frustrated, unhappy, or in an uncomfortable state. For women, feeling comfortable is paramount. If a woman cannot let go and relax, she will not reach orgasm. Another thing is that sexual tension and excitement needs to be built up; it doesn’t happen in one minute, or even five or ten. When I mention stimulation here, I do not necessarily mean just stimulation in the physical sense. Compliments, a nice romantic evening, even just eye-contact and smiles, can be stimulating. You’ll actually be surprised by how many people are turned on by a simple genuine smile.



Of course, cuddling and foreplay do a lot towards easing a person towards orgasm. Take your time, and do not be reticent in asking your partner about her preferences.

It’ll surely be worth it!