Are you thinking about popping THE question? Make sure you’re both ready first!
I’ve been proposed to three times in my life. I said yes twice and turned the other one down. The latter was one of the hardest decisions of my life… I mean, how do you tell someone who wants to spend their whole life with you – supposedly, at least – that you’re not on the same wavelength?
Preferably as nicely as possible, although it’s never nice to hear. But when you’re not ready, you’re just not ready. So, here are a few indicators to help you come closer to determining if it’s the right time to make the leap:
When you know each other well: This may be stating the obvious, but I’ve met so many people who got married and realised that they didn’t know each other that well after all. To know each other well doesn’t mean that you know each other’s favourite song or food. It means knowing some of the other person’s deepest, darkest secrets and desires. It’s knowing where each of you stands financially. It’s knowing how people react to certain situations. This is why I’m a big believer in cohabiting and in travelling long-haul before getting married, and in knowing how the other person conducts themselves when you’re on top and when you’re at the bottom. All this matters.
When you’ve discussed a future together: If you’ve never had the talk about your futures, then there’s no way for you to know how the other person expects their future to pan out. Do they want children? What are their life goals? Where do they see themselves in 10 years’ time? Do your goals and desires fit in their future plans – and vice versa? And, if they do for the most part, can you and they compromise on the other things?
When they and you are not (literally) begging for it: Many of my girlfriends were at the brink of a breakdown because their boyfriends hadn’t proposed. Some of them realised that it wasn’t heading anywhere, others decided to wait it out, while some gave their boyfriends ultimatums. The last on that list is something you should never, ever do. Marriage is a union you shouldn’t enter lightly; there’s simply too much at stake. If you’re begging your partner to get married, or if your partner’s begging you, then it’s definitely not a good time to propose. In fact, it’s a good time to sit down and discuss whether you should stay together.
When you think it’s going to be a yes: We all have a gut and we all have feelings, so use your gut feeling to gauge the situation. If you’re quite certain that you’re in the same place, then go for it! If you’re scared shitless that they might say no – and there are obvious hints that they probably will – then don’t.
When you’re sure you want to spend the rest of your life with them: Love and lust are two very different things. Lust makes you do crazy things, but it wears off. Love makes you feel comfortable, and it grows. If all you do with your partner is have hot sex, but the rest of your relationship is in shambles, then do you really want to put a ring on it?
Also, for those curious to know why I refused the third one, I’ll say one thing: Sometimes, something may feel like a fairy tale, but even reality can be deceiving. Be aware of your surroundings and the people who you’re with; don’t just take everything at face value!
When do you think is the right time to propose?
Let us know in the comments section below!