When we find a partner, the relationship usually blossoms through an initial honeymoon period with enjoyable and regular sexual activity. Later on, the frequency of this reduces in certain cases, and the relationship ceases to be exciting. It is time to adopt a new approach.
We’ve been ingrained with a mindset that promotes goal-based sexuality. We must have orgasms, or we must make our partner orgasm, or else it doesn’t count. It’s a fail.
Failure creates stress, so we avoid sexual activity for fear of not achieving the goal. That fear creates effects such as premature ejaculation in men, or erectile dysfunction, leaving our partner unsatisfied. The solution is to ditch the goals. Create time and space to come together without mobiles and other distractions without an agenda, without goals. Touch, enjoy and see what happens without stress. Any result is good. No one should have expectations, so everyone will be happy. But the most important thing is to be present for the other person and to be totally focused. Enjoy conscious touch.
Outside of this special space, how do we keep up the passion? It’s important to be in a state of gratitude and acceptance, and not to spend the day criticising or judging the other. We need to create positive energy and love, or we’ll ending up losing our partner by victimising them. Give your partner space and freedom to be themselves. In a healthy relationship, this shouldn’t be a problem.
Conscious breathing is a great way to connect a few times a day. Hug your partner and breathe together. Be present. Be conscious. It’s especially useful where there’s some tension between the two, or when one has some outside pressure. This simple action is very powerful and is a focus of my teaching in tantric and relationship workshops or coaching.
To me, this is the modern tantric way of living, but some may prefer to call it conscious living. With this and a good regular connection, partners come closer together and relationships improve. I’ve seen it many times.