They can be difficult, but you love them anyway. Many have often said they have a strong personality, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing at all. While some may not see all their great qualities, you do. You love this person, even when the world doesn’t see the best in them like you do.
Nonetheless, this doesn’t make your relationship with your lover easy all the time, day in and day out. This is because we’re human, and every relationship requires some form of friction to keep it alive and exciting. But while you have your wonderful moments, sometimes your partner seems so difficult to deal with, you begin to feel frustrated with them. When the birds aren’t singing and you’re not feeling the euphoric romantic bliss, these tips and suggestions may help keep things going when it’s tough.
Focus on their strengths – What are the things you had fallen in love with in the first place? Part of the reason you have such strong feelings for the difficult lover is probably because of their personality and talents. Don’t just think about the things you love about them; tell them. It could kindle a new spark from the old, original flame. We don’t always have to walk away from a difficult lover (unless you find yourself in an abusive and dangerous relationship), if we can find ways to deal with issues and focus on the strengths of the person.
Write a love letter – Putting how we feel about our lover into words can sometimes be difficult, even if we have good writing skills. Writing a love letter takes courage, honesty and hope, because we don’t know exactly how the other person will respond. One of the things that writing a love letter accomplishes is that the other person knows how we feel and where we stand in the relationship. Expressing ourselves through a love letter makes us a stronger person, no matter how things shake out with the difficult lover, because it takes a lot of maturity to unveil such raw and vulnerable emotions.
Fight fair – No matter how much we love someone, there will always be some difference of opinion. It’s important that we remember to choose our battles, in that we don’t disagree and argue over issues that aren’t significantly important. One element of fighting fair is to remember that there are areas where we’ll be expected to compromise while we’re entitled to make demands in other areas. When you’re communicating issues that really need to be addressed by your lover, understand they may not be willing to change, and you should prepare for a less-than-positive response. It’s important to take a stand for our own needs and desires, but it’s also important to recognise the needs and desires of your lover, even if dealing with them is difficult at times. We cannot change who we are.
Keep anger under control – When the difficult lover does things that make you want to blatantly air your frustrations, try to stay calm and think things through instead. A negative reaction to bad behaviour can add fuel to the fire. The more we become upset and resentful, the harder it is to think logically in the heat of the resentful moment. Becoming too defensive prevents us from being able to open up and share our concerns without putting our lover further onto the offensive. Also remember that their negative behaviour may not have anything to do with you. Try to look at the problems rationally and attempt to take an objective perspective in the heat of the conflict.
Keep things hot – Is your lover wonderful at sex? If so, this is a real bright spot in the relationship and can help alleviate some of the other issues on the table. If you’re intrigued by the idea, try to get sexually experimental with your lover. It could end up being an adventure you’ll both love and remember for years to come. If sex doesn’t feel great at times, maybe adapting a more upbeat and happy perspective on the sexual side will help you perk up in this area.
Remember to love yourself – Ultimately, it’s important to remember to love ourselves. No matter what happens in the relationship, we have to remember that we’ll always be in a relationship with ourselves, first and foremost. When things are rough, self-care becomes even more important and vital than when things are going smoothly.
Reach out for help – If things don’t seem to be getting better with your lover, consider getting outside help from a counselor. If your partner is willing, you could get couples therapy, but if they’re not, you could seek out support on your own to help you cope with the problems in the relationship. Also, talk to supportive friends and family about the situation in detail. Sometimes some solicited advice from your loved ones can work small miracles.
If things don’t get better and you feel that you’re entering volatile territory, getting out might be something to consider at this point. Always remember that there’s always a way out.