This weird and wonderful world that we inhabit can sometimes make us question everything…
So, as some of you may have realised from my previous article, I’m currently dating a – very hot, if I may say so myself – foreigner in Malta. Believe it or not, throughout my 25 years plus of sexcapades and threesomes and lesbian phases, this is actually the first time I’ve introduced someone who’s not Maltese to my family, and let me tell you this, it has been gold.
Recently, I took him to my Aunt Edwina’s house. Bless her, she is the loveliest, but she’s never travelled and always finds it fascinating when she meets foreigners. What struck me was just how intrigued she was with things many of us wouldn’t bat an eyelid at. Here are a few examples:
Food: X’jiġifieri ma jiekolx laħam taż-żiemel, Ev? Filkas, għandi biċċa fenek fil-friża… Insajjarielu?
Norwegians eat reindeer, and dog is a speciality in certain Asian countries. Here, we eat rabbit, horse meat and snails, but it doesn’t mean that everyone else does… The French do, though. In the UK, a rabbit is considered a pet and, as we saw from the horse-meat-in-burgers-scandal, it’s not exactly the championed meat of choice. Still, most people who try these meats don’t mind them…
Festi: Għidtlu kemm żejjinna sabiħ ghal-festa, Ev? X’patrun għandhom fir-raħal dawn?
Erm, yeah. He’s from London, so I’m assuming St George or maybe St Mayfair… But my bet would be on St Sterling… Not every village abroad has a festa, although most have a patron saint. But they do enjoy chugging their beer and getting rowdy, so I guess we’re not that different after all.
Religion: Jiġifieri… Jiġifieri dan ateju mit-twelid?!?
I was scared she was going to have a heart attack. He’s just not a Roman Catholic or baptised under any faith… He still has morals; he doesn’t go around eating babies and harvesting the hearts of virgins to sacrifice to Satan.
Abortion: Probabli jaqbel mal-abort dan, Ev. Attenta.
I didn’t want to risk telling her that his mother had had an abortion before she had him… In most countries, abortion is not really discussed unless it’s going to be undergone. People don’t discuss these things over dinner, it’s just a normal, random part of the law, not a hot topic! She also doesn’t know I’m pro-choice.
Complexion: Iii, kemm għandu għajnejh sbieħ, Ev! U ara kemm hu ġinġri. Kont iltqajt ma’ wieħed ġinġri fi żmien il-gwerra. Kien sabiħ… Imma ommi ma ħallitniex niżżewwġu u twikkejt b’zijjuk.
He was saved… By his big, blue eyes and strawberry blond hair, which are rarer than diamonds on this Mediterranean island. I have to admit, even I find it a very appealing combination, so I can’t blame her for thinking it was steamy!
We left my aunt’s house a bit scared, however. I was scared he was going to leave me, and he was scared she was going to kill him. But hey, she fed and watered him till he couldn’t move so, it turns out he can take an 80-year old hissing at him because he’s a pro-choice atheist.
Do you find any of these odd?
Let us know in the comments section below!