As a woman of the world, I believe to be quite well-versed in matters of love… Or lack, thereof!
Those who’ve been following my musings know that I’ve literally been in one relationship or another for pretty much all my life. This, in fact, is the first time since the age of 15 that I’ve been truly single: no husband, no partner, no boyfriend, no girlfriend, no friends-with-benefits, no long-term lover… Just me going through the world as me, myself and I.
Being ‘free’ from the shackles of a relationship has really given me time to stand back and think about what went wrong in my relationships; why I felt compelled to be in a relationship at all times; the things I did wrongly (not leaving my ex-husband, that’s for sure…) and all the wrongs I incurred.
Losing my father was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through – followed, very closely, by the break down of my marriage and finding myself technically homeless with a child to raise and almost no money to my name. But if I had to put those two things aside, it’s being dumped at the age of 24 by a boyfriend I’d had for three years over the phone that truly takes the biscuit.
The reason it’s so high-up on my list? It’s not because he broke up with me; it’s how he did it. So here are my thoughts about how to break up with someone without being a total pleb.
Grow a pair – Every relationship is different, and when one’s about to end, both people deserve closure. Much like Carrie from Sex and the City didn’t get closure from a Post-It, an SMS or an e-mail or a phone call or a message won’t cut it. Grow a pair and do it face-to-face, particularly if you’ve been dating for a while, if you’re Facebook-official or, obviously, married with or without children. Explain how you feel and listen to what the other person has to say; weather the storm gracefully and accept your wrongdoings. It won’t be easy, but by God you owe the other person that much.
Use a calendar – My niece got dumped half-way through her O Levels last year. I know, it was puppy love and never destined to work out, but had he given her the extra three weeks she needed to focus on her exams, it wouldn’t have been half as bad for her. The point here is to always time when you break up with someone. And, yes, there’s no right time to do it, but don’t do it before a funeral, or when someone has an important meeting or is half-way through exams. It’s just common decency, that’s all.
Half-Truths – Being honest is important, but there’s no reason to be cruel. Anything nasty that can be left unsaid, should. So, you’ve stopped loving him and you can’t stand the way he chews – fair enough. But there’s no reason to make your feelings about that known. Simply state that you don’t feel the way you did and that you should go your separate ways. The important thing is to never lie.
Be Sensitive – It’s normal and expected that the other person will become defensive; you did go there with information that would break their heart after all. Remain sensitive throughout the whole thing, and know that you might be the shoulder that person uses to cry on. It’s terrible, I know. But you’ll be a better person for it.
What do you think of Evelyn’s advice? Anything you would add to her tips?
Let us know in the comments section below!