I recently discussed how internet porn has become the main erroneous source of sex education for young people, and how this channel of instruction is devoid of respect, sensitivity and the aim to create conscious relationships. Young males are not being bestowed the role model of someone who takes it slowly and warms up the woman, and so this leads to a mass of ladies closing down from the joys of sexuality, thus feeling abused.

We can’t blame the internet for the rise of interest in porn. Porn has always been around in some form or other. Now it’s just easier and cheaper to access. Women and men like to see beautiful bodies being intimate, and many like to film themselves too. It can be both beautiful and arousing.

Mobile devices have largely replaced conversation and face-to-face discussion. People are no longer present. Their minds are elsewhere. Despite its advantages, this can lead to obsessive behaviour.

Porn is a similar distraction, and again can also be obsessive. Through human contact, we can close off the outside world and find all we need in corporeal intimacy, even though many might find this to be challenging. Women want to feel a spiritual connection through the presence of the man, if the relationship will go anywhere. Men are more likely than women to be in a fantasy within their minds.

Porn allows the fantasy at any time both for men and women, but just as people can feel an anti-climax after casual sex, there can be the same feeling after a solo session using porn. It would be a mind/body experience, but not a heart experience. Like any addiction, more of the drug is needed, and in the case of sex, the mind and body becomes desensitised to the point that partner touching has a less fulfilling effect. The excessive use of vibrating sex toys can also desensitise the body, especially the clitoris.

Sensitive bodies have great potential to orgasm, even without touching nipples or genitals. These skills can be learned and practised. Excessive masturbation to porn will affect real life intimacy. Ejaculation by men is a loss of energy and it’s best to learn how to touch your body in an arousing and sensual way, and not always to have ejaculation as the sole goal.

It is unlikely that any relationship will be fulfilling when either partner is desensitised by an addiction to porn, or closed down by bad past experience. If the person or couple can’t sort this out, they should seek professional help.


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