Unless you’re 14 and going out on your first date with someone who’s the same age, then it’s very difficult to find someone with a clean slate. God knows that even some 14-year olds have had multiple relationships these days.
Even so, someone who’s been married before comes with slightly more baggage than your average Joe, so it’s good to know what you’re in for.
As someone who got married and then got divorced, I know a thing or two about what I would and wouldn’t do again. Indeed, the biggest pro when you get me is the fact that I, most probably, will not make the same mistakes again, and that goes for other divorcees out there, as well.
I will also know what I’m getting myself into if I say ‘I do’ again. Yes, it will be with someone different. I wouldn’t take my ex-husband back even if the whole human species depended upon it… Anyways… What I mean is, I know what it entails and I know exactly the level of commitment needed to make a marriage work.
What’s more, people who have been through a divorce are more adaptable and better at communicating. You try dealing with the ex in-laws, the divorce lawyer, finding somewhere new to live and explaining to your child that things with daddy will never be the same again, all in the span of a few months.
All this is of benefit to the person who is dating someone who has been married. In fact, don’t see it as getting someone’s used toys; see it as dating someone with loads of experience in what works, what doesn’t… and having sex.
Ah, the catch! There’s always one, isn’t there?
As someone who’s been hurt more than once, trust me. No bite hurts more than that of someone who’s vowed to love you forever and to be with you in sickness and in health. Many divorcees and people who are separated understandably have trust issues and emotional baggage.
That may seem obvious, but that’s something that you, as the new partner, will have to deal with. There will be days when I will get cold feet and ponder whether I should be dating again at all. There are days when I will be upset – not because I miss my husband, but because my dream was shattered by an idiot. Don’t take it personally, but do protect yourself.
Some people who have been married before also come with a set of people, such as children or, in some cases, in-laws. This isn’t just for people who have got divorced or separated, but also those who have been widowed. It’s our job to tell you about those people beforehand, and yours to be sure that you’re okay with it.
One piece of advice is to never, ever come between us and those people, particularly our children. If we’re dating or together, it’s because we want to be with you. So, as long as we show you the respect you deserve, don’t try make us hate them.
We’re awesome, but we have flaws like everyone else. So if you’re ready for commitment, we’re a good bunch to date. Even so, always check why that person got divorced. I wouldn’t want anyone to suffer the fate of marrying my cheating ex-husband.
Have you ever dated someone who’s divorced or separated? How did you handle it?
Let us know in the comment section below.