There’s one aspect of a relationship that might not be amenable to compromise…


You can compromise on food, movies and raising your kids, but can you really compromise when it comes to intimacy? Sex is a physical consensual act between adults resulting in, first and foremost, mutual physical satisfaction. I hope that we all agree on this point.

The very consent has to be both emotional and physical. As awful as it may sound, if you’re participating in actions without an actual desire to do so, you’re pretty much forcing yourself and in some cases might be even raping yourself with your partner’s body.

Therefore, is there such a thing as compromise in sex? There is either a mutual desire or one-sided masturbation. It’s not the same as saying, “Oh well, I’m not so fond of Italian cuisine, but let’s go for a pizza since you fancy it so much.”

We’re not talking about a choice of various sexual activities that are satisfactory to all the participants. If you like romantic comedy or fantasy movies, but your partner is willing to watch the latter, by all means. It’s the same with sex. If you’re in the mood for either missionary or doggy position, and he/she is lusting for the second one, then we’re not talking about a real compromise here, are we? We’re talking about a choice between pleasure and perhaps more pleasure.

However, let’s say you love oral sex but hate anal, and your partner’s preference in this is reversed, what do you do in such a case? Do you have oral, leaving your partner dissatisfied and then anal, which will not pleasure you? You’ll end up with two sexually unhappy people. Is this a solution to the situation, where the ultimate goal is satisfaction?

Certainly not. Then what does one do?

Get to know each other’s’ tastes early on in the relationship.

Be frank about your desires. Yes, it might eliminate a certain element of mystery, but sexual compatibility is vital in any relationship and you might prefer to get a hint of what to expect before you give it a try.

Be more open-minded towards trying new things to at least figure out your attitude towards them.

Certainly never force yourself, but everything that works towards the satisfaction of all adult parties involved is acceptable. Do not blame your partner if the experience doesn’t turn out as you’d expected. Most things are worth trying at least once, so long as no harm comes to anyone.

Consider any emotional or mental blocks withholding you from new experiences.

The problem might be with you and not with your partner. Question what might be holding you back. Could it be a religious belief or the result of a conservative upbringing? Do you feel guilty giving in to some seductions or curiosities?

Consider why this is so important for your partner if it’s a definite no-go for you.

This is a situation where a proper discussion is needed between the two of you. If you’re certain that it’s none of the above, it is then up to your partner to decide what degree of importance he/she puts into the new sexual venture in question. Most importantly, communicate, discuss, question, and listen carefully to your own desires.