If you go through the ‘Other’ section in your Facebook inbox, and filter through the suspicious-looking requests to transfer €1 million from a Nigerian bank account, you may come across the occasional message from a random stranger addressing you as ‘żejża’ or ‘lajf’, asking you to do god knows what to him, or declaring what he’d do to you. One of my personal favourites had come in the form of this proposition:
“Nice pic. If you want add me… Għax I ħallik bla pasti hehehe.” (‘Cos I’ll get rid of your pastries.)
Get rid of my pastries mate, and I’ll eliminate your cannoli.
Why do some men think that these chat up lines, if you can even call them that, are going to work? At best, you’ll get a cold shoulder. At worst, you’ll get a smack in the face. Some comments are so laughable that you can’t help but think that they’re said as a dare or a joke. Luckily, there are plenty of men who know this is not the way to go about talking to women. Yet, for those of you who are still floundering, do take note of these tips. We’re spreading the knowledge so that you may spread the love… in the most diplomatic and gentlemanly way possible.
Don’t be sleazy. Baby, sbejħa, żejża, lajf, koxxa… You get the idea. Ladies don’t like any of these. We associate these terms with cat calling. Do not think for a minute that addressing a woman with whom you are not acquainted by these titles is going to score you any points. It is degrading to refer to her as just a body part. You’ve only just met her. She is not your baby. She is not yours to call sbejħa. She is not your anything. Stick to ‘Miss’, or politely ask for her name. Oh, and whatever you do, don’t you dare say ‘Awww Lillyyy.’
Be yourself. Don’t shadow your personality with your possessions. We won’t instantly start to fancy you if you tell us about how much money you earn or how much power you have over people. We’ll simply assume that you’re trying to compensate for something. We want to get to know you, and not what you own. It’s very rude to talk about your money. It’s even ruder to be flash with it. I once had a guy opening up his wallet and asking me to have a peep as he fingered a huge wad of cash. Yes, I wrenched too.
Be brave. No, you don’t have to dive into shark-infested waters or put your Captain America costume on. What I mean by this is not to be afraid to approach a woman in places other than clubs or bars. Speak to someone you like at a restaurant or at a bus stop. Go up to her table. Introduce yourself. Ask for her name. Shake her hand and say, ‘Well, I think you’re a very attractive person. Could I have your number, if that’s ok by you?’ You’ve addressed her like an equal. You’ve asked for her permission. You weren’t pushy but gallantly upfront. You didn’t subject her to condescending pet names. By defying cultural norms, the lady will say, ‘My God. This man’s got balls.’ Yes, gentlemen. Ballsiness gets you digits.
Don’t be drunk. You don’t need Dutch courage to speak to a woman. Dutch courage makes you do silly things. If you resort to Dutch courage, then you are dismissing the above Theory of Ballsiness, which is a great pity. You should not doubt your abilities in being a likeable person when completely sober. Most people’s obnoxious side tends to rise to the surface even when ever so slightly tipsy. Remember – a sober man is a sexy man.
Be chivalrous. If you like the girl who’s about to enter the café, or is wrestling with a particularly stubborn slide door, get your old fashioned gent on and open the door for her. Take this opportunity to smile at her. Let her board the bus before you. Again, smile as you do so. It’s these gestures which make us feel like queens. It’s these gestures which commence the first form of interaction. They gain you something better than points. They gain you the respect of the other person.
Have no expectations. Don’t follow the above rules thinking that they entitle you to a date. No woman is obliged to say yes to you. We have the right to politely, respectfully and tactfully decline your offer. Take rejection like a gentleman. Everyone gets rejected plenty of times throughout their lives. By accepting it courteously, you’ll be walking away with your dignity intact.
Don’t be a pest. Learn to recognise the signs when a woman is not interested. Short yes or no answers on Facebook chat or curt nods in person are a dead giveaway. If a woman doesn’t mind your company, she will make eye contact with you and turn her body towards you. Don’t pester her on Facebook on a daily basis. It can become very invasive and frustrating. Allow her her personal space. Take the hint, apologise for disturbing her and walk away, lest you want to be labelled a harasser or a stalker.
Gentlemen, how do you approach a lady? Ladies, what’s been the most charming proposition you’ve ever encountered?
Let us know in the comment section below.