The winning prize in the category of absurd online tests has got to go to sexual IQ tests.

I wanted to have a full picture of all the aspects of my IQ, so I decided to Google a couple of those tests and see what they’re all about.



One of the first popular questions seemed to be ‘what percentage of men always orgasm during sex?’ I soon came to learn that it’s actually only 75%… How can you have sex with a man and not get him to orgasm? And since when do a quarter of men have difficulties in orgasming?

My next favourite one was ‘the clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis – true or false?’ Well done, clitoris! But what is the exact practical use of this information? Rub it twice as hard? Twice as gentle? Twice as long?

The list goes on. From the average length of an erect penis, to how many sexual partners an average American has throughout his or her lifetime, to whether it’s true or false that in some states girls need parental consent to get a bikini wax.

Do these people have a clue what a sexual IQ is? Is it knowing a few random facts about human anatomy and the federal law? How can any of this information be practically applied to actual sex? Now please correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t sexual intelligence mean more or less the same as the capacity for planning, creativity and problem solving with regards to actual sex? What sexual problem can I actually solve by knowing the exact percentage of women who orgasm during sex?

Then what should sexual intelligence really mean?

It’s about understanding your own body and your partner’s, being aware of your desires, communicating in a sexual relationship, learning, emotionally connecting and solving problems in your sex life. It’s about knowing what feels good for you and being able to communicate this knowledge to your partner. It’s about exploring your partner’s body, connecting with your partner and making sure he or she is receiving the same degree of sexual pleasure that you seek, ideally to as much of a gratifying level as possible. It is about identifying and solving any sexual problem that may arise between you. Even the greatest lovers in the world might occasionally experience those. It is about the ability to adapt to a particular person and situation and getting rid of any rigid behavioural patterns, for sex is not a mass produced product. It must be individualised and custom-made per person and per situation.

It is about the ability to react in the right way in the given circumstances, and your ability to read and analyse your partner’s body language. It is about knowing fake from sincerity and pleasure from pain.

The highest possible score in a real sexual IQ test? The grateful moans of pleasure from your partner.