You know how some people question whether the universe is infinite or not? Yes, well… My existential question happens to be whether I should spit or swallow.

Etiquette is an all-encompassing notion. It tells us that we shouldn’t put our elbows on the table, that we should apologise when we sneeze and that we shouldn’t raise our voice when we’re having a conversation.

Etiquette also tells us that it’s rude to rush off to the bathroom when a man cums in our mouths. But if we don’t want to swallow, then what the hell are we supposed to do?

Don’t Forget the Basics: Just like you wouldn’t go camping without a tent, you shouldn’t go down on someone without having some tissues or napkins near by. Whether you spit or swallow, you will need to wipe your mouth after the Great Eruption, so be prepared.

Think On Your Feet (or your knees, or your back, or whatever position you’re in, really): Don’t just mindlessly blow someone. Think! Is the position you’re in a good one to swallow? Will you choke and gag if you do? If you’re on your knees, then you can go for it. If he’s doing your face (which is when the man shags your face as if it were your bum), then chances are you won’t be able to handle it. So opt for the technique mentioned below.

Learn to Dribble and Drool: Porn can influence men and their desires, but it can also empower you with the tricks of the trade. If you’re stunned by a sudden rush of warm liquid in your mouth, and you have no tissues nearby and don’t want to swallow, then let it dribble out of your mouth. It may sound disgusting, and it will be sticky, but he’ll love it! And, if you’re in a really dirrty mood (flashback to Xtina’s double-r there), then rub it all over your face – it’s full of protein!



Stave Off STIs: Is the person you’re blowing someone you know and trust or some random bloke you’ve just met? While anyone can have an STI, which is why the experts suggest we use a condom, even when giving head, swallowing someone-you-don’t-know’s cum is definitely a big no-no. Bonus tip: Vodka kills bacteria, so if you’re worried, wash your mouth out (and gargle) with it straight after.

Your Body is a Canvas: He doesn’t always have to cum in your mouth. Tell him you like it when he cums on your breasts or your ass or your face, and watch him as he does so. And don’t get all fairy-princess afterwards and pretend to be disgusted. Just enjoy the moment. Shower time will come soon enough.

One Swallow Doesn’t Make a Summer: Whether you spit or swallow his man juice, make sure you go in to kiss him after. If he retracts, then you should discuss each other’s issues.

What I normally do, and this is something that’s come from years of experience, is that I never swallow unless I’m in a relationship with a person – after all, ingesting someone’s baby-makers is quite personal. Everyone else, I tell them to give me a heads up (pun intended, yes) when they’re about to blow and I spit it out discreetly into a tissue straight after – like a lady.

Oh, and to all the puritans and conservatives acting all shocked that a woman can be so liberal about sex: Suck it, buddy.

Do you have any advice of your own to share with our readers?