Could You Love Someone Who’s Unattractive?


Love is a weird and complex feeling – yet while many say that it should be based on character over external characteristics, could you really fall in love with someone you don’t find attractive? 

I would think that the answer is very likely to be, ‘no’.

Love, in its most stripped down shape and form, is a chemical reaction that happens in the brain and is devoid of feelings and emotions. Really and truly, it’s just a step ahead of our primeval instincts and, as much as we try to fight it, the fact is that we need to find the other person attractive to love them.

Of course, I’m talking about the kind of love the Ancient Greeks used to call ‘Eros’, which means that it’s a sexual love between two people. My love for my mother, my son or my pets is completely different. I wouldn’t not love my son because he’s not ‘my type’. If anything, my love for my son clouds my judgement and makes me see him as the most beautiful person in the world. Same with my mother. Most of the time, anyway.

But when my son gets shoved into the dating game, the same rules will apply to him as they apply to everyone else: if the other person doesn’t find you remotely attractive, then the chances for an intimate love are slim to none.

There is, however, a very interesting loophole in all of this. People you may know and not find attractive, might actually become attractive once you get to know them properly. Once the full blast of their out-of-this-world sense humour hits, and once their kindness wins you over, love, then, may be on the cards, but it would have taken a bottom-up approach.

Don’t get your knickers in a twist, though. It’s all biology.

As humans, our primary role is to reproduce – I can already sense the shock of some people – but, seriously, think about it. We’ve made it over the past 250,000 years because we have never stopped mating – and to mate, we must find the other person attractive.

Our genes are designed to be entwined with the genes of those that we, as individuals in a species that seeks to survive, find attractive. But that’s the beauty of it all.

We don’t all like tall and dark; we don’t all like big bums or big bosoms – and that, in the complex world of biology and DNA, allows us to find those we’d like to love and make babies with, while those we don’t like will be swept off their feet by someone who does!

What do you think of Evelyn’s argument?

Is there more to love than that? Let us know in the comments section below!


Watch this inspirational clip.  Lizzie Velasquez was once labelled, “The Worlds Ugliest Woman”. Lizzie decided to turn things around and create her own definitions of what she defines as beauty and happiness.