Dear Love Guru,
I am twenty years old and I have been in a relationship for the past four months. My boyfriend makes me feel free to be who I am and I am never embarrassed if I feel like being a bit crazy, funny, dumb or clumsy. I have really tried to focus on what is best for my boyfriend. I love making him happy as that makes me happy, too.
He is just great, he jokes around all the time and he can’t help smiling all the time. I am falling deeper and deeper in love with him. He does the sweetest things for me, I am always being cuddled and all that lovey-dovey stuff totally takes my breath away.
On a more serious note, he has been totally supportive to me especially considering my family problems. My mum died when I was ten and I still can’t accept that. What can I say? He is truly the love of my life.
My sister is my problem. She is four years older than I am and when my boyfriend comes to my house, she talks to him in a way which I do not like. She has been single for a long time now, but she does have affairs with guys. I don’t like how she talks to my boyfriend, she talks dirty to him and says things like, “If you had to sleep with me for a night, you won’t sleep at all!” She thinks it is all a joke and that she is just teasing me, but I take this as a threat to both myself and my relationship.
I have told her how I feel and that she has to stop talking to my boyfriend so intimately but whenever he is around, she just starts at it again and I don’t like it at all!
I trust my boyfriend and he has assured me that I have nothing to worry about as she is simply not his type and that she is nothing like me. He tells me “You are my angel and you are everything I want.” This makes me love him all the more.
My boyfriend spends a lot of time with me and on Saturdays and on the day before a feast, he always sleeps at my house. What I find strange is that I have only met his family once, at that was at Christmas and I never go to his house as he comes to mine.
Can you help me with these two questions? Should I ask my boyfriend why we don’t spend more time at his house? How can I get my sister to stop flirting with my boyfriend? I somehow need to make her understand that the guy is TOTALLY MINE!
This is quite a stressful situation. Unfortunately, both you and your sister cannot benefit from the counsel and help of your mum, who sadly passed away when you were both very young. You say that you have never got over her death and that is quite understandable. You will never stop missing your mum, as she is and always will be important to you.
That having been said, life does go on. You have found love and a person who understands and appreciates you for who you are. Your sister has not, and I’m guessing that she may be feeling a bit envious, not to mention left out when she sees the great relationship you have with your boyfriend. That, however, does not excuse her behaviour.
You said that you are sure that your boyfriend loves you and is therefore not interested in anyone else. Your boyfriend seems to have shown you that you should not see your sister as a threat, but the situation is still annoying and uncomfortable. You have explained that you have already told her that she is making you feel uncomfortable and that she was not behaving as a sister should.
Has your boyfriend himself ever asked her to leave him alone? Perhaps, if he did this plainly and if he clearly indicates to her that she doesn’t stand a chance with him, she might understand that her words and behaviour are just making her look like a desperate and envious person, and she will hopefully stop. Probably, she is not even really interested in your boyfriend but is only behaving like that to annoy you. Whether that is the case or not, the fact that she is not currently dating someone is also not a viable excuse. Just because someone is single does not mean she should bother every guy who is around, whether he is single or not, and especially if he is not!
Regarding the fact that your boyfriend is always at your place, while you have only met his parents once – this is also strange. Remember that in a relationship, communication is always the best and most important link to understanding your partner. Just be honest with him and ask him whether he has any problems at home or whether there is some other issue he wishes to avoid there, which is why he might always be at your place. You could be able to kill two birds with one stone if you started sleeping at his place instead of yours during the weekends. This will give you time to get to know his parents better and to leave the issues you are having with your sister behind you. Perhaps, once she realises that she is making you stay away from your own home, she will also take the argument itself more seriously.
The Love Guru