The Weirdest Sex Toys on the Market

If the first list made you cringe…then this will make you squirm!

No, seriously, I’m not joking.

You sure?


The world is a weird place, full of people with odd desires. I’m not one to judge; I have dabbled in a bit of S&M myself and Josh the Vibrator is still one of my favourite friends. But there are certain things even a ‘woman of the world’, ‘a lady of the night’, ‘that unashamed adulteress from EVE’ and, my personal favourite, ‘dik il-qah*a f’xalata li tikteb kontra r-ragel’ (I’ve been called all four) just can’t frikken understand.

A Clown Vibrator: I mean, for the love of everything I hold dear … I didn’t want a clown at my party when I was younger and I still don’t want a clown in my ‘parti’ now.

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The Claw: If you want to be fingered by Wolverine, the universe has just granted you your wish…


Dragon Penis: If watching The Black Cauldron and Game of Thrones makes you horny, you can have sex with the dragon from Shrek.


Sheep Costume: Sheep shagging has been given an all-new meaning with this state-of-the-art inflatable costume that turns your conquest into Dolly.


The Vajankle: When a front and a back door aren’t enough and someone’s mouth just seems too French Revolution, why not try sticking your man rod into an ankle, attached to a rubber foot? I mean, duh. So sexy.


Anal Speculum: A device to help someone else look INSIDE my bum hole? I can take anal but this just seems a bit too … extreme? Speechless. Absolutely and utterly speechless.


The Tongue Vibrator: Because when you stick something inside of you, you want it to wriggle and hit all those easy-to-miss spots. There is no shame left in this world.


Hotdoll: Why should you have all the fun? Give your pet the chance to express themselves with this plasticky, sad-excuse for a friend with benefits.


Are you as confused by all these as Evelyn was? Let us know your deepest, darkest thoughts in the comments section below.