Dear Love Guru,
I have been in a relationship with a foreigner for over a year. He went back to his country for reasons connected with work and stayed there for five months. When he came back, I got to know that he had got a girl pregnant. I know I should have left him straight away but I have not been able to bring myself to do so because I really love him. I can’t stop thinking about what has happened and I mention it really often to both him and my friends. He assures me that he is not in touch with her anymore, but I still don’t really know what to do.
Please help me!
Long distance relationships are never easy. Being away from your partner for months at a time can create not just feelings of loneliness and confusion, but also depression. The thing is – if a relationship is based on strong foundations, distance should not alter it. In fact, it should serve as a further indicator that the relationship itself is worthwhile and that the emotions which a couple are feeling are real.
In this case, unfortunately, it seems that the love your partner felt for you was not enough, as he decided to engage in sexual intercourse with someone else. Since he got her pregnant, we are also right to assume that this did not just happen once or twice, but a number of times. Not that it would have made it any more acceptable, had it happened only once. However, the fact that his relations with this other girl seem to have gone on for quite some time, is also something which needs to be taken into consideration.
The fact that you ‘got to know’ that he had got someone else pregnant seems to indicate that he did not tell you himself what had really happened, but that someone else did. This makes things even worse, since you know that your partner is not only capable of cheating on you over a long period of time, but that he is also capable of hiding the truth from you.
I assume that during the five months he was abroad, even though you did not meet him, you still kept in contact through mobile phone, telephone, chat, as well as popular media programmes, such as Skype. Yet, he never breathed a thing, not even when he came back. But, at least the truth came out in another way.
Love is one of the strongest emotions in existence, yours certainly is, since even though your boyfriend cheated on you on various occasions, got someone else pregnant and lied about it, you still love him and are not able to let him go. The thing is, YOUR love is strong, his, obviously, is less so.
The issue at this point is this. Are you willing to give your heart to someone who does not feel as much love and respect towards you as you feel towards him? Are you willing to believe someone who has already lied to you for months? Can you really and truly be sure that he will never do anything like this, again? Would you consider an open relationship, or do you want your relationship to be one between two people?
In the end, only you can decide what you should do. However, keep in mind that before loving someone else, one must first and foremost love himself/herself.
Therefore, think about yourself first and consider what is best for you and what will make you truly happy in the long run.