Two people can have two different perspectives on the same thing or situation. For example, one woman will be thrilled to be woken up slowly in the middle of the night with the intimate arousing touch of her partner. Another, will feel abused and violated at being touched without consent.

There are two issues, here. One is about communication. Discuss with your partner the possibility. He may say, “If I wake up in the night feeling horny, may I touch you?” She may say, “Of course, if you are hard, I don’t want to miss it.” Or she may say “No, let me sleep.” Then, the agreement is made and whatever it may be, there should be no problem.

The second is to try and understand why your partner made that decision. Well, there could be a number of practical reasons, “I have to get up early for work,” “I am really tired.” It could be that she does not want sex always at the same time (men can be the same and always follow the same route, or so frustrated women tell me). It could be the result of some past physical or emotional experience, in the conscious, or the subconscious. In that case, it might be wise to seek help to identify the issue, and then work to overcome it.

Therefore, spontaneous sexual activity in the night and being woken up from a deep sleep can become a new and beautiful experience with the right communication between the partners.

This is just one example of different perspectives, but whatever the situation, communication, setting boundaries and respecting boundaries are fundamental to a peaceful and hopefully, fulfilling life.