Is the Passion Over?

I am 29 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now. At first, we started our relationship as an affair, very wrong I know, but after a month we left our partners and went steady about two months after that. 

We had so much passion for each other it was crazy and our intimate moments would last for hours. All of a sudden about three months ago, the passion began to wane … more from his side than from mine.

I have been showing him that it is irritating me and he keeps saying that I am making a big deal out of nothing. He has recently started a new job and is working his ass off, that is true, but I think it’s more that he is not finding me as attractive as before.

He has given me all the reasons not to worry about other women as he leaves his mobile phone everywhere and I have his passwords. So where’s the problem?

I do love him and I’m sure he loves me because he does everything so sweetly and so thoughtfully … I really would like to see if I’m asking for too much. 


Dear Serena,

Your relationship started off as an affair, therefore the focus was mostly on the physical side, rather than the emotional. That is understandable, as every relationship goes through a ‘honeymoon’ period, where both partners explore and delight in each other’s sensuality and passion.

A year has passed now, and your honeymoon period is coming to a close. This is the hard part – you must now focus on the emotional side of your relationship – that bond which will see you and your partner through the adversities of everyday life together. In other words, you are at that point of a relationship which can either make you or break you.

No relationship can survive on sexual relations only. Empathy, love, communication and trust are essential. It is good that you say you both trust each other implicitly, in that he has no problem with you seeing his mobile and having his passwords. However, that is not enough.

In the past, the new relationship had been something fresh and wonderful – it set apart from everyday life. Now, it has progressed to the point that your partner is sharing with you his worries and his problems. He has a new job which is perhaps making him tired and irritable, therefore his focus has shifted to another section of his life. As his girlfriend, you need to support him, even if perhaps, you do not always understand him.

If he is thoughtful, kind and loving, it is unlikely that he finds you unattractive, however honesty is always the best policy, so why don’t you ask him? He has no reason to lie, and if it’s true, you can talk about it and go on from there.

Remember, sex is a very important part of a relationship, but it is not THE most important part. Evolve, grow, and learn from your relationship. You are beyond the confines of ‘lust’ now, and are venturing into the more complex territory of ‘real love.’

Good luck!