In a previous article (Keep the Passion), I wrote about keeping the passion in a relationship alive.
But what if the relationship has already slipped into one of no intimacy and no sex, after the ‘honeymoon period‘. There are many pressures which can bring this about, including financial worries, exhaustion from work, having a baby in the house and boredom from having the same routine all the time. There are also relationships where expectations and promises did not materialise.
“We slept in single beds. My (older) husband did not touch me, saying beds are for sleeping in. I was frustrated with his lack of interest in me. It was like emotional abuse. It was years before I plucked up courage to leave as he would not even discuss my needs.”
“We had a passionate three days together, then returned to our countries. When we came to live together, the new reality was never again like those three days. It has been bad for years.”
“After waiting years for the relationship I really wanted, I changed country to be with a man who no longer had the dreams we had discussed before. I came close to leaving him in the first few months. Other things in my life have improved. I know what I am missing, but at present, I accept that the package is what I need for other reasons, even without intimacy.”
“My husband has no interest in sex. I look after our one year old child. I have a strong sexual appetite. I also like women too. He cannot understand me and my needs. I had a number of relationships before this one. For the first time, I found the perfect man, in every way, except for sex. I do not want to be unfaithful. I just hope he will change and open up one day. It is hard to discuss it. He is so closed.”
So what can be done?
COMMUNICATE and discuss what you desire, want and need without being negative about your partner and without blaming each other.
KISS and act like you have just met. Explore and enjoy each other’s company, touch and romance each other. Make a date with your partner, as if it is for the first time.
CREATE special time to spend together. Light candles, share food and yes, once again, touch each other.
FEEL GRATITUDE and give yourselves time. It is better to enjoy an hour of massaging, kissing and sensual touching, than to have five minutes of sex which is all over before you know it.
BAN mobiles and internet devices for these special times and leave them out of the bedroom at all times.
HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS and enjoy the experience. Touch and make love (if your partner is willing) with the mutual agreement that enjoying the experience is the only priority and not getting an orgasm.
If these suggestions do not work, maybe you should consider coaching and counselling as a couple. Things can get better!!