Would You Shag Your iPad? No Seriously… Would You?


Of all the sex toys on the market, the Fleshlight Launchpad is the one that’s got me all confused.

As any of my regular readers know, I often research the newest, kinkiest and weirdest sex toys on the market – and I love them! Of course, I’ve come across some truly weird ones, like the I Rub My Duckie® (a rubber duck that vibrates) and the Mr. Jack Moustache Mouth Sex Toy (a fleshlight with a Clark Gable-like moustache that rubs against a man’s pubes while he’s penetrating it). But out of all the craziest and weirdest sex toys, the Fleshlight Launchpad is definitely the one that represents our era’s idea of sexual intercourse.

It promises a romantic night in between a couple with the iPad working as the middle-man when the couple can’t be in the same room at the same time. In an age when many people travel and long-distance relationships are commonplace, this would seem like a great idea, but I have two problems with it:

  1. Does it make sense to market the item as something that can enhance a relationship? And…
  2. Isn’t it a bit sad?

A fleshlight by itself is one thing. When there’s no one there and your hand gets boring, in comes the rubber hole that will swallow your manhood and your load, but attach it to the iPad and it becomes a creepy representation of just how cynical and clinical we’ve become about sex.

Sex shouldn’t be about cumming but about the enjoyment of being with another person. As the Spice Girls once put it (when I was still in my 20s, alas) sex is about when ‘2-become-1’. But do some men really want to become 1 with an iPad? And what’s happened to using our imagination?

When I was in a relationship and the other person was away, I longed to see him (or, at times, her) back in my arms; but something like this would really take away all the fun of having them come back. Sure, it does not promise to be the same thing, but it tries to recreate that, and that bugs me.

It substitutes the need for human contact by giving you a second-class, virtual feeling of human contact, and while it fulfils one need, it creates many others – it really is like the rubber sex doll that enforces the notion that men’s idea of sex is ‘every hole is a goal’. I may not be a man, so I may be looking at this from the wrong perspective, but I truly find it sad.

Am I wrong, though? Is there something I don’t get? What do you guys think? Would you like to shag your iPad?

What’s your opinion on the Fleshlight Launchpad? Leave your comments for Evelyn in the comments’ section below.

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