If dildos and vibrators make you cringe, then you probably shouldn’t read this article.
Whenever I find myself single, the first thing I do is look up something new to accompany Josh the Vibrator. But between sex swings and anal beads, I thought I had seen it all.
Then… these sex toys appeared on my computer screen and I was, well, shocked, to say the least… And a little intrigued…
The Pig Tail Butt Plug: If you thought a vomit artist puking on Lady Gaga was Swine enough, think again. This butt plug with a pigtail at its end is as grunge and submissive as it gets. I mean, who wants to be considered a pig, honestly?
Houdini Locking Steel Cock Chastity: I like my wieners hard and throbbing, not cold and flaccid – but that’s just me! How someone actually thought this was a good idea is beyond me, but if you fancy playing magician while in bed, then go for it!
I Rub My Duckie Massager: The name says it all. The name is everything. I’ll have one in every colour with ‘Harrods’ written on it, thank you.
Dildo Gas Mask: Clearly, anyone who uses this has not heard any horror stories from the war. Even sex toys should be in good taste, I’m sorry.
Mr. Jack With Moustache: If I had a willy and wanted to get blown by Clark Gabel, I think I’d have gone for this one too.
The Perfect Pair Breast Enhancer: I’ve dated and slept with my fair share of women, but I’m not sure I could handle a man wearing rubber boobs. I’m a bit confused as to who would actually find these attractive, but I will try not to judge.
Orca: Seeing as bestiality is illegal in most countries, this is definitely the next best thing. Behold, ladies and gentlemen, an Orca’s phallus. It can be used when you’ve enjoyed human sex so much, it just got boring and you need to move on to something a bit more… alternative.
Rubber Fisting Mitten: If you’re brave enough to let another person swallow your fist and elbow, then you should be brave enough to do it with a thin latex glove. But that’s just my opinion.
Did any of these surprise or shock you? Have you come across other weird sex toys which Evelyn did not mention? Let us know!