The Advent of Connected Underwear

Discreet and smart: a new era of underwear has just hit the shelves.

You know how they say you never stop learning? Well, underwear has always been one of the things I never seem to know a lot about. When I was younger I thought there was just underwear for people with willies and those without, but growing up I realised that there were boxers and briefs, thongs, long-johns, under vests and corsets and bras. Now, it turns out that there’s something else… something that sounds a lot like something out of an episode of Star Trek.

At the 2014 International CES show in Las Vegas, OhMiBod (yes, that brand actually does exist) launched something called Connected Underwear. And, trust me, they sound – for the lack of a better word – fabulous.

Basically, you buy a pair of Connected Underwear, currently retailing in America for about $129, and with them you get an app called blueMotion™ that can be accessed through your smart phone. This app controls when and how hard your underwear vibrates through tapping, waving and even using the vibrations from your voice or a song. And the fun part is that you can use it on yourself, or get others to use it on you or vice versa.

I mean, this has completely revolutionised foreplay. Now, you can start getting down and dirty long before you get into bed. You can switch your missus’s underwear on while she’s at a dinner party or when you’re at the supermarket.

But the best part is that it is unapologetic about women’s wants and needs and, much like Miley Cyrus, it is putting female masturbation at the forefront. Now some of you might get your knickers in a twist over how the world is going to the dogs and morality has been lost, but I think it’s fantastic.

Actually, I quite like the foreplay bit…

What do you think of James’ discovery of Connected Underwear? Would you buy a pair?