The man I had an affair with is married and has three kids.

For the past 3 months I have been going out with a man who is married and has three kids. I have known from the start and I wanted him so badly that I didn’t care. But now his wife found out …and he doesn’t want too see me anymore. Should I let him go?

Dear Lin,

I won’t get into the whole moral spiel because each situation is unique and what we don’t already know, life invariably teaches us. Sometimes physical chemistry is so strong that we may toss any misgivings or stalwart principles over our shoulder without a second thought. Passion knows no boundaries, given the chance, and you did give it a chance. Optimism works out sometimes, and sometimes in doesn’t. Fine.

Now what can this man offer you besides a physical relationship? It is unlikely that you will be happy with his left-over attention and chemistry alone in the long run. Will you be emotionally satisfied with a man who already has a commitment to a family and who’s being unfaithful to his wife – whether she knows it or not? It doesn’t look like you have much of an option anyway as you say he wants to break contact with you.

Maybe you’re hurt and angry that he could toss you aside just like that after what you’ve shared. Or maybe you thought that what you had with him was special and that he would eventually leave his wife to be with you… natural feelings in this situation. Intimacy creates bonds that may be painful to sever. However, you have your answer now so save yourself, and all involved, any more heartache by chalking it down to a been-there-done-that experience. Cut your losses and make yourself available to someone who can give you his full attention, you deserve happiness without other people’s complications. The fact that you knew from the start isn’t making it any easier for you now is it?! Learn whatever lessons you needed to learn so that you’d be wiser next time around.