Can’t Believe it’s really over


I just broke up from a 5 year long relationship. It was perfect until 2 years ago when we broke up for the first time and things never were the same again. We got back together and we fought like cats and dogs, but loved each other unconditionally, and we were both afraid of losing one another. It never crossed my mind that when we broke up again we’ll never get back together. He got into another relationship and I’m dying to talk to him but I’m afraid of what his response will be. How can he forget the bond we had for 5 years together? We did make each others’ lives difficult but I can’t ever imagine myself with someone else, even when dating others, I still can’t find the good things I did find in my previous relationship. How can I move on when I’m still thinking of him? What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always him? I believe now that when a heart breaks it doesn’t break evenly.

Dear August,

It looks like you are struggling through the grieving process of your break-up and that you’re in the denial phase. Although very painful, it is perfectly normal to go through these feelings. Be patient and kind to yourself, allowing yourself this time to mourn your loss. However do all you can to accelerate your healing, to adjust to your new situation and find your balance again.

During the denial phase we are likely to text late at night or visit places we know we may bump into an ex, clinging on to the tiniest speck of hope that things might work out, while still reeling in disbelief that someone you were once so close to has practically become a stranger. Yes, it is heart-breaking. But this feeling won’t remain so intense forever.

You may also find yourself going through feelings of anger at him, yourself, his friends/relatives, the Universe; making deals and pleading/threatening him, yourself, God, the powers that be to fix it.

So, if you feel that you need to make contact again do keep this in mind. But either way, if it will help you move forward, then it is best to face reality and get your answers, rather than remain suspended in ‘what if’.

Feeling sad about going your separate ways is natural and only human, but try not to give in to the feeling of hopelessness that you won’t meet someone else like your ex-boyfriend. You might very well be singing a different tune when you meet the person who will be right for you, when you’re ready to give yourself the chance. For the time being be your own best friend and work at finding your peace with the situation.

Staying in a toxic relationship isn’t beneficial to either of you, even when you still love one another – which, true, makes the break-up even harder to accept. However, we cannot avoid change. Suffering and pain are very effective at teaching us what we need to learn about ourselves and how we relate to others. Find out what you needed to learn from this experience to turn it into a fruitful one. It will get you that much closer to the happiness you deserve if you open up to the new experiences coming your way.