Old Love


I loved this boy once and it has already been 2 years since we last met and talked. It seems that I don’t like other boys any more since then. I know, however, that he will never be mine. What can I do? What pre-occupies me the most is that I haven’t found anyone nice or cute these last 2 years. All my friends can’t understand how I don’t like anyone. I’m so confused…

Dear XX,

This situation is more common than you might think. There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes we have a hard time of letting go even though we may know rationally that the relationship is over. You seem to be resigned to this but have you really accepted it? Is a part of you still pining for the return of this guy? To be able to connect with someone else you have to be open and receptive to joy and love.

There is no point, tempting as it may be, to revisit the past and dwell on how things may have been different. Learn from the past but what you have is Now. So do express your feelings with friends but try not to become consumed with them and let them take over a lot of your time and energy – time and energy that could be spent doing things that make you happy rather than picking at the scab of this wound, this loss. Sometimes we can become addicted to this sense of longing. We tend to romanticize memories, remembering only the good times, turning a normal human being into an incomparable hero perfect for you.

If you feel there was something you could have changed or if you’re thinking along the lines of ‘if only I was more of this or less of that,’ then it is time to accept and forgive yourself. To feel love again you have to be prepared to give and receive love. That starts by first accepting and loving yourself unconditionally. Get to know yourself and do the things that make you love life. Become again the person you were when you first attracted this guy and you will be ready for an equally great but different guy.

There is a process of emotions we go through when we experience loss. If you are numbed out or feeling vulnerable and scared of getting hurt again, expressing your feelings in a journal can help you achieve clarity. Or you can use your feelings to fuel your creativity if you are an artistic person and process them in this way. You needn’t be an other Adele, you can dance away anger or take photos that express sadness or that comfort you. After a while, by accepting that it is over your focus will start shifting from the past to the future. Make an effort to truly let go and in the meantime focus on enjoying all the positive aspects in your life.