Man candy is many-a-woman’s guilty pleasure, including mine. And seeing a fine specimen of male homo sapiens has long been good entertainment for a bevy of women, as explained perfectly in those Diet Coke commercials.
As often happens, there will be people getting ‘hurt’ by the objectifying of the other sex, or maybe they won’t even blink an eyelid since it’s men being sexualised and not women – but what’s wrong with enjoying something that’s pleasing to the eye?
Which is why I’m going to mention 10 things men look so hot in that, when our eyes fall on them, we want to ravage them like a starved lion would do with a slow gazelle.
So… Fans and bottles of water at the ready? Let’s go!
Geeky Glasses: Nothing says screw-me-like-a-nympho more than a pair of geeky, thick-framed specs. They ooze a nerdy sense of style that, when worn right, is worthy of Kent Clark – so come on boys, frame those big, lustful eyes for us!
Designer Suits: Please give me a second while I cool down as I think menopause has just kicked in. Right. There is something mysteriously appealing about a man that is covered in layers of designer textile. And as you take each layer off, it feels like de-petalling a rose until you’re faced with the budding centre. As poetic as Chaucer, honestly.
Sleeves: Short-sleeved shirts are a travesty but full tattoo sleeves are one of the hottest things ever. I remember this guy I dated between my ex-husband and my current partner had one, and I just couldn’t get enough. I used to make him keep his tattooed arm around me and I’d snuggle up there… no wonder he left me… Boo, the tramp!
Cardigans: Remember those male teachers who used to wear cardigans to school? Oh, how I fantasised about them:
Teacher: Three plus three equals?
Me: Equals how many buttons I have to undo before I can bite your nipple. Lovely.
Stubble: At a time in which economic crises, natural disasters and the threat of a Third World War hang imminently over our heads, a man with a bit of stubble is just what we need to feel safe. There is something primeval about our love for stubble – must be the Eve in all of us!
Pubes: And speaking of hair, don’t you just hate bald eagles? When the pubes acting like a halo to men’s genitals are completely shaven off, their Free Willy ends up looking like a beached whale – just lying there with no character. But with a bit of a mane? Ooooohhh, yes please!
Towels: When the veil between their Junior and ourselves is at its thinnest, beautiful things happen! Towels are some of the best aphrodisiacs around, letting you fantasise about what’s underneath without giving you the satisfaction of actually knowing! It’s thrilling, I tell you! Thrilling!
DIY Clothes: There’s something sexy about a man who has paint splattered all over his clothes after a round of DIY – maybe it’s the fact that we know that the job’s been done – but either way, it’s hot!
Quilted Jackets: Of the Barbour kind. (If you’re thinking of the biscuits, they’re called Bourbons.) The sleek and cosy jackets done by the quintessential British brand are a great cross between style and comfort, and they make us want to cuddle up until our bosses call us wondering where in God’s name we could be. They also can’t be bought in Malta, so at least it shows you’ve travelled past the local każin and the regional carwash.
A Watch: It brings an outfit together and the brand can tell us just how big our wedding is going to be. It also gives an edge to a man in a way only a piece of well-chosen jewellery can.
Is there anything else men look hot in? Let us know!