Unable to find love

Dear Love Guru,

I am a 22 year old student in my final year of studies and these past 4 years have been the loneliest I’ve ever had (re relationships). All my friends have a significant other and although I get along with everyone whenever we go out, I can’t help but feeling that slight twinge. 

I don’t know what to do to attract some male attention. I must say I’ve never been good at flirting but there’s also a lack of opportunity for me to flirt. What do you suggest that I do to meet some new people? I need your help. Thanks.

Dear Bibi,

It sounds like you are a sensitive and intuitive soul who knows what you want and will not settle for anything less. But you’re feeling lonely and different.

First of all let’s get this straight. Love comes in various forms and being in a relationship does not automatically mean being ‘in love’ as in being-swept-away-with-all-the-bells-and-whistles. People have different needs in varying degrees which may or may not change with time. Some may have it all, while for some people companionship, stability, raising a family, having a best friend for a partner, etc, are just as, or more, important than being ‘in love’.

Only you know what is important to you. There is no right and wrong. You can use this ‘quiet’ time as an opportunity to explore other areas of your life, your Winter before the Spring. It may come in very handy in the future or actually lead you to your significant other (I take it any-old-Johnny won’t do for you!).

Even though it’s natural to compare yourself to others, save yourself needless suffering by bearing in mind that we all have different life paths and there is such a thing as divine timing. It is best to flow with it. Accept first, then work with it – rather than doubt it. When you live this way, as you grow older, this will become clear to you and you will be ready for the experiences you desire.

Also, if you haven’t met your ‘tribe’ yet, I suggest joining a club or group of friends with like-minded interests (regardless of differences such as age, gender, status, etc). This could be an acting troupe, milongas, musician friends/band, sports team, etc. You’d be meeting new people in your element, where you’re most likely to shine and be less self-conscious. Also, even if it’s not the same as being in a relationship, this will contribute to filling the void you are currently feeling.

As for flirting – sure, you could look it up if you don’t know how and try it out …you might even have some good laughs and unforgettable nights which you will reminisce about with your friends years later – but it is bound to happen naturally with someone you are genuinely attracted to. Just be careful that you won’t fall for the first Casanova that catches your interest, making sure to select a potential partner (wisely) yourself, just as much as he chooses you!