Dear Love Guru,
It’s me again. As far as I know he did stop the affair but she keeps saying he’s calling her. I’ve received a lot of threats from her and her family. They want me dead and I didn’t do anything to them! Our sex life has gotten better and emotionally I feel better. I still can’t trust him but I feel like we’re both fighting to stay together. I’m still afraid of losing him and I’ve asked him many times why he cheated on me but it’s like he doesn’t even know why he did. I talked with some friends who have been cheated on and it seems like every man says the same thing, “I don’t know.” Is it true?
It seems that you still need assurance and some answers from your fiancé. And it is important for your peace of mind and your healing process, if you are to remain together.
Do you believe that he broke all contact with the other woman? What does your gut instinct say?
Why is the other woman contacting you? She obviously wants to cause trouble whether what she says is true or not, and if you are being threatened you should inform the police.
Talking to friends is great – you’re trying to get your head around it and you need support – however, it is your fiancé that should be doing the work and trying to understand why he broke the agreement you had. Confronting the issue is an important part of moving forward rather than sweeping it all under the rug and staying stuck in doubt and indecision.
I’m afraid I don’t have a specific answer as to why people cheat. That human beings are complex is an understatement. Ha! There may be several reasons with most of them stemming from childhood issues, character formation and insecurity. Trying to understand his actions is important for releasing your anger and forgiveness, however, don’t be making excuses that will disregard your worth.
Unfortunately, secret affairs occur at the cost of lying to and hurting the partner instead of confronting issues in a mature and respectful way. Communication is key. Gaining clarity and learning how to communicate is possible by seeking professional help.
Relationship counselling can help you get to the bottom of it, for both yourselves individually and for the relationship itself if you both decide to stay in it. You can try making an appointment with a relationship therapist or contact Cana Movement (Tel: 21238942) who offer this service.