Lost and undecided


Dear Love Guru,

I broke up 2 weeks ago with my 4 1/2 year boyfriend. During these past few weeks I got to know a guy, whom I knew before, much better. He told me that he was crazy about me for over a year and a half but never talked to me due to my being in a relationship. Last week we went out together (we met up on occasions with our friends since we have mutual friends) texting each other, calling me etc… And then he told me that he is seeing this going a bit too fast and would prefer it if we just stay friends for now. My mistake is that I get attached to someone very fast… and now I am realizing that he is not the rebound relationship type… He told me that he cares for me and that’s why he had to take this step since he didn’t want to hurt and lose me. His cousin told me that he is crazy about me, but the fact that I just got out of a relationship, I need to get out and NOT getting into another one so soon.
What can I do? I have to move on with my life I know… it is enough that I just got over a bad breakup… but I cant help it :(

Thanks, X


Dear X,

It seems you are confused whether you want a rebound fling, a serious relationship or no relationship at all.

You say that you get attached to someone very fast. Well, while jumping into a relationship straight after a break-up may work for some people, moving on with your life can mean enjoying your own company and rediscovering yourself out of a relationship.

You don’t need to be dependant on someone else to the point where you always need to be in a relationship.

Your first relationship should be the one which you have with yourself, so in this situation take the time and space to focus on your needs irrelevant of what other people want or say. Pay attention to what your needs are and the rest will follow as you will be in a better mental state to decide. Keeping a journal, meditating, going for quiet walks alone, spending time in your own company will give you clarity and help you make the decisions that are best for you. Good luck!