I say it out loud and I write it down, but still, it seems like a blur from a past dream.
Since my youngest son turned two he changed drastically. From a very calm child to a very moody and nervous one. He shouts and throws tantrums several times a day. More than I can handle. He doesn’t speak yet and he doesn’t know how to express himself or his feelings. That frustrates him and me, because I am not able to help him.
This is basically how I spent the last year, but I always thought it was a phase that he will eventually grow out of as soon as his speech will improve.
Last August was his third birthday, but Kyle wasn’t excited about it, because he had no clue that it was his birthday or what a birthday was, to start with. We gave him presents which he really appreciated but started crying when we all enthusiastically sang him happy birthday.
Something was definitely wrong with my baby, but the pediatrician told us not to worry. However, I still had a bad feeling so we decided to book an appointment with a child psychologist. We went and after an hour talking to us and observing Kyle she asked me what I think the problem is with my son.
“I think he has mild autism,” I say bluntly.
Husband raises his eyebrow.
Doctor answers back… “Yes, from what I can see I think that too, but I need to test for it to confirm.” The test eventually confirms her theory.
“My son is autistic, that’s the reason for all the screaming and shouting. Knowing this is good because now I can help him as I know what his problem is,” I’m thinking.
Husband is visibly shocked; it is too much to process.
I told family and close friends and immediately booked therapy and all the help I could get for my little one. I am surprisingly calm and positive.
After a couple of days since receiving the big news it all hits me like a tsunami. Oh my God, my son is autistic. How didn’t I realize it earlier, how will we cope now, will we be able to help him, will he improve, will he lead a normal life, how will the rest of the family cope with this change?
I spent four days feeling miserable, all I could do was cry. I had so many questions that, unfortunately, I didn’t have any answers to.
Will I ever accept this?
I felt exhausted.
After some days I calmed down and realized that he is still my adorable son, he is happy and healthy. He is not ill. But he has a condition which can be improved with a lot of therapy from professionals and at home.
They both belong to Autism Parents Association and I promise you that you will get a lot of support and information there.