couple talking

Dear Love Guru,

The last couple of months I have been feeling a bit distant from my boyfriend. We have been together for almost 4 years now.

I do not know what is wrong and I am confused. I know that I do not want to end things between us but it feels that our relationship is over. Also I have lost interest in sex lately and I am not cheating.

Could having problems with my mother-in-law be causing me to feel this distant?



Dear Emily,

from what I can understand your relationship is in a rut and you are questioning whether it has reached the end. As you most probably realise relationships, as with most things, oscillate between a strong and weaker connection at different times. There are many factors which depend on it.

You say that you do not want to end things but you have lost interest in sex. You need to figure out why this happened to clarify your situation. Is it one-sided? Are you receiving the respect, attention and emotional security you deserve from your boyfriend? Is his behaviour inviting or pushing you away?

Have you started taking birth control pills, or are you taking any medication like antibiotics or anti-depressants that might influence your sex drive? Even if it is not listed as a side-effect it is important to be aware of your body, monitor any changes you feel and trust your intuition. Have you been under some form of stress that effected the romance in your relationship?

You have mentioned a difficult relationship with your mother-in-law. I’d say that would count as stress! I don’t know whether your boyfriend is supportive of you or not, but either way, it can easily create tension between you and your boyfriend. How you both, as a couple, deal with the situation can diffuse the problem or make it worse. If it is a problem you’d do well to recognise it and discuss it so that you can consciously take the necessary measures to not let it effect you.

On an other note, feeling good about yourself by paying attention to your appearance, eating healthily, exercising (releases endorphins and increases blood flow to the sexual organs), spending time doing activities you enjoy can improve your libido.

Sometimes taking a step back from the ‘problem’ can bring the situation into perspective. It is better to make decisions when you are balanced and coming from a place of strength rather than confusion. So focus on yourself first to understand where you stand then communicate your feelings to your boyfriend because after all he makes up half of the relationship. Goodluck!