How To Make Your Vagina Taste Amazing

Why do we love pastizzi? Because they taste amazing, that’s why! And what would you do if you bit into a pastizz only to find out the ricotta was sour? Go ‘bleurgh!’, that’s what you’d do! So, here’s how to make your vagina taste amazing and keep ‘em comin’ back for more.

First things first, let me just say this out loud: there is nothing wrong with wanting to please your partner(s – hey, no judgement here!) as long as he (or she – still no judgement here!) make(s) an effort too. If your lover’s semen tastes of bleach and you’re fine with that, then, by all means, move on to another article.

However, I have always been a firm believer in looking and tasting good, especially if you don’t want your relationship to go to the dogs, or worse, to the skunks (not because your vagina doesn’t taste amazing, but because lack of interest in what you give your partner will only be reciprocated by the same feelings).

Anyways, with that in mind: How do you make your vagina taste amazing?

Tip #1: Grooming. Hair down there is prone to be full of bacteria and odours, so groom, fellow women, groom! If you don’t want a bald eagle, just make sure you keep it trimmed, because whether you like foie gras or not, a hair in your slice will not make it anymore appetising, believe me, I’m a hasbian!

Tip #2: Cleanliness. Women’s flowers are unfortunately battlegrounds for bacteria (just think Lord of the Rings times ten), and, consequently, a myriad of tastes. When cleaning your hooha use anti-bacterial feminine hygiene products to make sure to kill those nasty buggers in your woman’s cave and keep it fresh and clean!

Tip #3: He Tastes What You Eat. We all know asparagus gives you smelly pee, garlic gives you bad breath, alcohol makes you fart the next day, and, similarly, all of these can affect the way your va-jay-jay tastes. Eat lots of naturally sweet foods, like pineapple, apples, celery, mint leaves and strawberries, and drink lots of water and cranberry juice so your vaginal juices (not from concentrate) will taste sweeter. (It should be pointed out, however, that not many tests have been conducted on the matter yet and these are still old wives’ tales!)

Tip #4: Quit Smoking: Don’t worry, I’m not going to go on an anti-smoking crusade, particularly because, I, myself, am a smoker. However, it is scientifically proven that smoking makes your juices turn sour! So, there’s an extra incentive to get you to quit smoking that they can put at the back of cigarette packets… LOL.

What do you think of these tips? Would you do this to get your vagina to taste amazing? Are you livid that we’re even suggesting this? Let us know!

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