How To Prepare The Right Atmosphere For a Dinner Date

Inviting someone over for a dinner date is always exciting but it’s also scary: What should I prepare? Are candles too much? Will he like my house? Should I have the condoms on a silver platter? Well, fret not, I’ve got some tips!

Rule #1: Clean Up: Nothing screams ‘I don’t give a damn’ more than untidiness and uncleanliness. Make sure you clean up all the areas he might go into, that includes the dining room, living room, kitchen, bathroom and, hopefully, the bedroom. However, don’t make things look too perfect, a house needs to look like it’s lived in not like it’s a shot out of Elle Décor… because that just gives away your OCD.

Rule #2: Ambiance: Put candles on the dinner table, a couple of scented ones in the bathroom and, if you have time, buy some flowers to put in a vase. Try to incorporate a bit of red in the dining room and bedroom to give away subtle ideas of passion. Put on some nice music too: either something classical, or Norah Jones, Lana Del Rey, or the Bubble (Michael Bublé) – but make sure it’s not too loud.

Rule #3: Light Food: If your guest is going to be too full, the last thing he or she will want to do is eat your genitals. Also, make sure that you stay low on the garlic, onion and asparagus. Instead opt for light salads, fish and sorbets.

Rule #4: Have a Hangout Area: Dinner dates rarely go from dinner table to bed sheets… there needs to be a process! So, once you’re done from dinner, move to your hangout area – the living room, or a roof terrace – and have a drink, talk, laugh, get it off.

Rule #5: Be and Look Groomed: Just because it’s a dinner date doesn’t mean you can greet your guest in baggy jeans and Crocs. Get dressed up, put on some make-up, wear perfume, and – as I’m always preaching – make sure you are groomed down there, whether you are a man or a woman!

Rule #6: Don’t Push It: If your date is complaining about how tired they are, take the hint. Unfortunately, you can’t always please everyone, and sometimes that means having to accept that fact that the dinner date didn’t go well. Bid them goodnight and enjoy the rest of your night with your hand or vibrator – there’s no shame in that!

Do you have any more tips? Do you disagree with any of the tips above? Let us know!