I have been casually dating a guy for two months and last weekend things got hot under the sheets. There was a big build up of tension because of the strong chemistry between us, however things turned sour very quickly as he lost his erection before anything actually happened. I told him this is OK but obviously I was frustrated. Now he pushes me away and does not want to talk to me, I think he is very embarrassed.
I can imagine your frustration and disappointment. It seems like you like each other and you were both in the mood for it. It is not uncommon for a man to lose his erection at the point of penetration, especially with a new partner.
This is a problem which causes men to suffer in silence because most men would perceive it as a lack of masculinity and virility. This leads them to accept it as their new reality and live with it in secret. One also needs to understand that the older a man gets the softer and less erect the penis gets during an erection.
The best way of dealing with it is by talking about it. Bring up the elephant in the room and say how you feel about it. It is all about how you tackle the issue. Sex is not just penetration it’s about spending time together, playing and having fun together. Although you might not be having penetrative sex you can still kiss, hug, and have other forms of physical connectedness and pleasure. Talk about that and then mention the problem. If both of you are relaxed and acknowledge the problem it is easier to handle.
Silence and tension adds to the anxiety and could turn a one time problem into a permanent one.
Find the right time and discuss it with your partner in a non-judgemental way. This situation can also get you two closer and can be the beginning to a healthy and open sex life together.