WATCHING PORN WHILE MARRIED: YAY OR NAY?

I’m all for personal liberty and being sex-positive. And yet…

I broke my promise and attended another dinner party. It got me thinking: is it my circle of friends or if it’s fate? Somehow I seem to end up at dinner parties that are electrically charged with debates. The latest? Whether it’s okay for people – read ‘men’ – to watch porn after they get married.

Now, I say men because most of the women at the table insisted that they never watched porn for pleasure. Most had never even watched porn out of curiosity, in fact.

“What, you’ve never watched Two Girls, One Cup?” I asked, flabbergasted. (I’m joking, I didn’t.)

But, turns out, there was a lot of confusion and opinions surrounding the subject.

“If I caught my husband watching porn, I’d go mental!” said one lady.

“I don’t care what he does so long as I don’t know about it,” said another.

“Well, we all do it…” answered one of the men.

“My God, you’re disgusting,” replied his wife.

Are you sure you want to see what he’s doing when he’s by alone?

This time round, I didn’t get into the whole argument. I sat there sipping my wine trying to avoid eye-contact because I knew – I just knew – that we would never come to an agreement. I mean, I can’t even decide whether it’s okay myself!

So, to break it down a bit, the way I see it.

One part of me thinks that, so long as my partner is not refusing sex with me, and so long as the porn he’s watching does not feature someone he knows personally, it’s perfectly okay. I do watch porn myself, so I can’t be a hypocrite.

On the other hand, a part of me thinks that while the connection made with the people in porn is a superficial one, there is still a connection. Should we be watching it if we’re in a loving relationship? Is it cheating? Are we watching porn to satisfy some deep, dark desire we’re too ashamed to tell our partner about?

And what about ethics? Should we watch porn at all, considering the way the porn industry treats women?

Believe it or not, the conversation didn’t have a much more defined outcome. It seems that one’s opinion about porn while in a relationship cannot be changed. But what I did notice is that the men were clearly focusing on the fact that they didn’t do it because they were dissatisfied, but rather because they got bored or felt horny from time to time. Meanwhile, the women didn’t like it because it made them feel like sex was only something that satisfied an urge, rather than an emotional connection. At least, that’s what it felt like at that table.

Each watching their own thing. Does this work in marriage?

My judgement? I’m glad I continued drinking wine and didn’t get into the whole discussion.

What do you think? Is it okay to watch porn when you’re in a relationship?

Let us know in the comments section below!