HOW TO GO ABOUT HAVING A THREESOME

The etiquette of the ménage à trois.

So, as all good stories go, I was recently eating a salad when my friends started talking about threesomes – this, believe it or not, is a true story. As always, I first let them discuss it between them, trying to understand what they think of the matter, whether it was too much of a taboo, and trying to figure out if anyone had had one…

My first and only such experience was a long time ago while at university, when I ended up in a bed of a man called Paolo and his friend Umberto. You can guess how that ended given that I never did anything of the sort again. But, like all experiences, it taught me a lot about the matter…

Think before you act: It may seem obvious, but never go into a threesome – particularly if it’s your first time – without truly weighing the pros and cons. If you’re single, then keep in mind that there will be two other people in the room pleasuring you and expecting you to pleasure them. If you’re partnered, then you’ll be letting a third person into a space that is often considered sacred. Are you sure you’re ready for that?

 

Plan: If you’re going to have a threesome with your partner and a third person – be it a man or a woman – then you need to sit down and plan this. It needs to be someone you both find attractive and who, preferably, finds both of you attractive. Nothing is more annoying or ego-shattering than being the extra one in a threesome, particularly if you’re the one who’s in a relationship with one of them. It also needs to be someone you trust, particularly if you don’t want the word to spread.

Rules: You also need to decide beforehand what each of you is okay with. Are you okay with your partner being penetrated by someone else? How do you feel about them kissing the other person? Have a safe word you can use just in case it all gets too much, and stick to the rules even if it means giving up on something good halfway through. A threesome can be a great way to spice up your sex life, but it can also bring a wedge in between you and your partner. Tread carefully.

Be Ready: You’re going to have a threesome, not a walk in the park. Expect lots of hands to grope you, expect your mouth to be open the whole way through, expect lots of bodily fluids, expect some awkward moments as you all shuffle from one side to the other to find a good position, and expect to be exhausted by it all.

Be Safe: It doesn’t matter who you’re having a threesome with. Use protection, get tested and stock up on lube!

 

Be Open Minded: Of course, I’m referring to three straight people having a threesome here: If you’re going into a threesome with your wife and another man and you’re already disgusted by the concept of having someone’s balls close to you, then what’s the point?

Forget Porn: Threesomes in real life are nothing like those in porn. They’re not as clear-cut, and definitely not as glamorous. But, from what my friend revealed while I was eating that salad, they can be absolutely wonderful.

Don’t be silly: Partners and their or your best friends don’t mix in the bedroom. Too awkward.

 

Would you ever consider having a threesome?

Let us know in the comments section below!