WHY SOME OF US CAN’T FIND LOVE

No honey, it’s not because you’re ugly.

Some people seem to fall in love all the time. They go from one relationship to the next like they’re monkeys swinging from vines. Some people may call that codependency, which may be the case, while others may question why they can’t find one good person to date and fall in love with when those people seem to have them all lined up. In reality, however, the reason you can’t find love is both simple and complicated…

The complicated bit? You’re the problem. The simple bit? You’re the problem.

Now, before you get offended, hear me out.

What do you want? Let’s start from the very beginning as I hear that that is a very good place to start. Thank you, Maria.What are you looking for in a partner? What would make you fall in love with someone? What characteristics do you want the person who’ll fall in love with you to have? If you can’t even answer those questions, then how will you ever find them? Sit down and write out everything you want your future partner to have: How you want them to look, how you want them to behave, what values you want them to hold dear. Write it out in the present.

 

What does the list say about you? Now that you have a clearer idea of what you’re looking for, you need to start fixing (and I’m using that word rather vaguely here) yourself. Go through what you’ve written and pin point things that say more about you than about them. Why did you write ‘I don’t want them to cheat’ or ‘I want them to be kind to me’? Is that baggage you’re carrying from past relationships? If so, purge it. Meditate. Start seeing a psychologist. Learn to be at peace with your past and yourself, and you’ll quickly become more open to others.

Have you been working towards your goal? All too often, we do things on automatic pilot without really realising that we’re the biggest hurdle between our dreams and ourselves. It’s useless to want to be the next Maria Sharapova if you spend your days learning the rules of football. Relationships are the same. If you want to find a particular kind of partner, you’ll have to work towards that goal. So, if you’re looking for someone kind, but you’ve always dated douchebags, maybe it’s time to stop dating douchebags.

Are you open to what a relationship entails? Just as the saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side. Many people hark on and on about how they want to fall in love and settle down, but then can’t imagine sharing their home or life with someone else. Relationships come with a great deal of joy and security, yet they also come with a great deal of responsibility and insecurity. Unless you’re truly ready to let someone in, then you can’t expect someone to be in.

 

Ultimately, remember that there are plenty of people out there going through what you’re going through. I’ve been in love three times in my life, but none of them have turned out to be good partners. Sometimes that love fades, and sometimes it’s fake. Either way, you’ll be more at peace with yourself once you figure out how you feel about it all.

 

What do you make of Evelyn’s advice?

Relationship tips on Eve.com.mt