IF THE AVENGERS WERE BASED IN MALTA

As a nation, we’re not exactly renowned for getting shizzle done. Blame it on the heat or on our Mediterranean passivity, but we take our time with taking action. We’re not fans of rocking the boat. So, how would Marvel’s characters of action – the Avengers – fare if all the world’s crises blossomed in Malta?

Firstly, every developer, entrepreneur and politician would try to buddy up with Tony Stark. He’d then be offered discounts, deals and permits to build the new Stark Tower Complex. Whether it’ll end up next to Portomaso Business Tower or on ODZ land is anyone’s guess.

 

Spoiler alert: Tony Stark and the Avengers have actually been secretly brought to Malta to accidentally-on-purpose demolish every unnecessary high rise building that sprouts. They’ll merely stage a battle every few months and make it look like they’re saving the world, when it’s only just the perfect excuse to knock a few ugly towers down.

 

And with every battle, every punch, every crumbling building, every alien that shows up, this guy’s always going to be heard in the background:

 

Nick Fury, Falcon, War Machine and Black Panther wouldn’t last five minutes on the island, because they’d all be told to ‘go beck to yor cantry’.

 

The Catholic Church would oppose Thor’s presence, since this god amongst mortals would be seen as a threat to the big guy in the sky. But he’d actually do quite well in our purċissjonijiet.

 

Black Widow would have to punch the lights out of every man who says ‘Aw Lilly’ and Aw żejża’ whenever she’s trying to work.

 

The authorities would make Captain America apply for a karta ta’ l-anzjani.

 

Some would try to figure out if they’re Labour, Nationalist, Alternattiva Demokratika, or just one big conspiracy theory… and many will come to the conclusion that the Falcon obviously supports il-Partit ta’ l-Ajkla.

 

Hunters would bond with Hawkeye and compare notes, and they’ll probably try to shoot Falcon down.

 

Actually, they’ll probably try to shoot at most of the Avengers.

 

As for Hulk… He’d probably tell us all to chill out once he realises how hot-headed we can get over stuff like traffic, abortion, politics… We make him look docile.

 

 

How do you think the Avengers would cope in Malta?

Let us know in the comment section below.