GETTING THE SEX YOU DESERVE

Sex has become a big buzz word since my teenage years. Not that we weren’t having it before, mind you. We’ve always had sex, and our parents before us, too. What has shifted – or has started to shift – is the way we look at sex; the way we talk about it; the way we expect to get it.

In the age of Tinder and Match.com, sex has become a quick and risqué business – or maybe, for the first time in history, people who want a quickie can easily get in touch anonymously, and the risqué-factor is therefore being amplified. I’m no historian, though. But what I do know is that I, and many others, have spent years having sex, but we’ve rarely stopped to think about the kind of sex we want.

So, how do you become more assertive when it comes to sex? How do you get the sex you deserve?

Honesty – So many times have I been in the arms of someone I wanted to kiss, caress and make love to. Then, when we’re at the crux of the evening, I go all coy and don’t say much. Then I’m in the arms of someone who I’m not particularly feeling it with but, because I have five-or-so glasses of wine running through my veins and the person is assertive, I end up in their bed. The sex may not have been bad, but I didn’t get the sex I wanted; the sex I could’ve got. So be more honest in your replies. Don’t say ‘I don’t know!’, when all you want to say is ‘Do you!’

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Openness – We spend so much time not saying the things we want to say. We go to the hair

dresser, they start screwing up our hair and we smile through gritted teeth. We go to the cinema, the popcorn is stale, and we just wolf it down without complaining. Many similar scenarios happen during sex. So be more open about what you want to experience in the bedroom. Do you have kinks? Test the waters. You like it when he goes down on you? Say it. And, if being this open is already giving you heart palpitations, write them down for yourself to read. It’s a great start, anyway.

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Love Your Body – We all have flaws, scars, and things we don’t like. And us seeing these on a daily basis forces us to focus on these issues, even when we’re getting hot and steamy under the covers. So many young people today can’t have sex without being intoxicated, or unless the lights are off. Why? Because we’ve been conditioned to believe that our bodies should look like plastic, not flesh, thanks to our friend Photoshop and the unattainable fetish the fashion industry has instilled in us. This is the body you have, love it. Also, if they did take you to bed, they must like it too. So start practicing on allowing the other person to worship your body, to enjoy kissing you… All of you.

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What else can one do to get the full sexual experience?

Let us know in the comments section below.