WHY COUPLES DISMISS SINGLETONS’ PROBLEMS

Do people in relationships just lose touch, or do they see something we don’t?

I never realised I was co-dependent until I actively decided to be single. For years, I had gone from one relationship to another thinking I was oh so in control, when all I was doing was not giving myself enough time to consolidate my love life and figure out what had gone wrong and learn from my mistakes.

It’s funny that I never realised, especially since I seem to always be the go-to person for relationship problems, and no I am not Eve.com.mt’s love guru! But then again, there was nothing extraordinary about my self-inflicted blindness. When we’re in something, it’s hard to see what it looks like from the outside.

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I’ve now been single for almost a year and half (apart from the foreigner), and the more I speak to my friends about the woes of singleton life, the less they seem to understand or care. When I tell them about the umpteenth failed date I’ve had, they tell me that there are plenty of fish in the sea. When I tell them that there really aren’t that many, they just look at me as if I were an alien.

Surely, it’s not that difficult to appreciate that dating is that much more complicated these days than it was twenty years ago. Especially on an island with just a population of less then half a million!

Well, here’s what I think.

Sometimes, people in relationships think that their problems are more important than ours because they’re actually investing time and energy into something that is tangible. In their case, the fights, the heartache and the drama are for a reason, while we’re just trudging in a puddle of mud for a second date with some random stranger.

Sometimes, people in relationships think we’re too picky, judgmental, needy and unrealistic. “Relationships are not that straightforward,” they tell you as you cry into your cappuccino trying to understand why another person has decided to ghost you after what seemed like a great date. “You need to give them time! And what about last week’s date, he was so handsome and he sent you flowers. Why don’t you give him a shot?” Well, maybe we’re a bit picky, but if that handsome guy with the flowers didn’t tickle our fancy, then what’s the point? Why should we settle for scraps?

 

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Sometimes, people in relationships may actually know better. I’ve been in three long-term relationships that lasted a total of twenty years combined. I have the knowledge and first-hand experience of what it’s like to make sacrifices towards the greater good – something someone who’s never been a relationship would have to find out the hard way… just like we did, after all. But, having said this, I also believe that those sacrifices are earned and not a given. Why would I make any kind of sacrifice for someone who’s not treating me well after the first date?

Sometimes, people forget their inner child behind as they grow older. Dating is a game and, in one way or another, every single singleton is playing. In relationships, you may not play games like Who Will Message First? and Spot the Dickhead! However, forgetting what it was like before you got into a relationship is also a huge mistake. Firstly, you’re ignoring the process that led you to where you are, and secondly, what happens if you need to start over again… Just like I had to after a seven-year relationship?

The truth is that when we detach ourselves or are detached from a situation, things may seem insignificant. But this is like those memes that go ‘If the thing you’re worried about won’t matter in a year’s time, let it go!’ It’s like, yeah, if I punched you square in the face, you’ll probably be over it by next year but you wouldn’t just let it go at that moment, would you? Come to think of it, you wouldn’t be over it by the following year after!

 

Do you think people in relationships dismiss single people’s problems?

Let us know in the comments section below.