BOND IN A DRESS

bond

So, there goes Daniel Craig. Off he goes with his pale blue trunks and Baltic blue eyes and questionable botox… and of course, his fine bit of acting. All good things must come to an end, and that includes every actor’s stretch as the British spy who’s got more illegitimate children than the benefits system would care to know.

Eon Productions should establish a Bond conclave when it comes to deciding who’ll be playing the next title role. They can release a fumata bianca once they’ve made their choice. Then again, they could also release a fumata rosa if they go for a female lead. But that would be gender stereotyping and the complaints would flood in, but at least we’d know which chromosome made the cut.

Tom Hiddleston, Damian Lewis, Idris Elba, Henry Cavill, Richard Armitage, Benedict Cumberbatch… They’d all make wonderful Bonds, there’s no doubt about that. However, as much as they’ve proven their worth, some of us are a bit thirsty for new blood, and quite frankly, we’re a little tired of the same actors hogging all the good roles – yes Bennie, I’m looking at you.

Benedict-Cumberbatch

 

Audiences are also hungry for the unleash of feminism onto our cinema screens. What with the understandable cry for equal pay in the arts and an appeal for stories with female protagonists, Ian Fleming‘s literary icon seems to be a good place to start. There’s a great desire amongst actresses, both established and green, to take on roles where their characters are decision-makers and game changers, where their objective is not to procure a spouse, but to resolve issues and restore order… while totalling a couple of Aston Martins along the way.

Also, the absence of Dame Judi Dench left a great gaping hole in Spectre, so it’s absolutely imperative that a strong female presence manifests itself once again into the Bond legacy. For once, let there be an exchange of roles. Let there be a Bond Boy for once, and let’s go a step further and have a scriptwriter that does not allow for the objectification of this typecast, and have a supporting role with as much gravitas and integrity as John Cleese‘s and Ben Wishaw‘s Q.

And God help the villain if 007’s on her period.

So that’s my rant done. Here are a few suggestions as to who’d make excellent Jane Bonds:

Emilia Clarke

Did anyone stop to think what marvellous spies people under 5ft 3″ would make? We can crawl into holes and wriggle up pipes and squeeze through crowds, completely undetected. Kit Harington made an excellent agent in Spooks: The Greater Good at 5ft 7″, so why can’t Ms Clarke? She’s spoken of her wish to try out for the role of Bond, and Game of Throneand Me Before You are further proof of her credibility as an actor. Though perhaps, she may seem a little young for the role, but we’re just keeping all options open.

emilia-clarke

 

Cate Blanchett

Fair dos, she’s Australian, and we could have another Renée Zellweger-in-Bridget Jones case on our hands, but who in the world can fault Blanchett’s prowess in front of the camera? If anything, she’s too good for such a clichéd role. She wears suits effortlessly and her eyes alone can demand of her subordinates anything that she wills. She’dve made a fantastic M, as well. In fact, sod it Cate, you can have all the parts.

Cate-Blanchett

 

Kate Winslet

Kate can survive the iciest of waters. Ask Leo. Surely, that’d be a handy asset for a spy. Her on-screen presence is incandescent, and she never fails to deliver a three-dimensional interpretation of her roles – which would make for a healthy injection to the mono-faceted Bond figure we’re so used to.

Kate-Winslet

 

Rachel Weisz

Oh yes, I did. Yes, I went there. Mrs Craig could be the next Bond, taking over from her husband. There’d be no living with either of them after this. The tension at the Craig household would be unbearable; one long battle of “My Bond’s better than your Bond”. Nonetheless, Weisz has that quintessential English formality that so many traditionalists want Agent 007 to retain, hence their opposition to the very Estuarine Idris Elba. Weisz has also proven her agility skills in The Mummy franchise, and has also spoken up about how female roles are often obliged to be “likeable”. Here’s hoping she’d give the villain a run for his money.

Rachel-Weisz

 

Helen McCrory

Speaking of Bond villains, here’s someone who’d fit both roles. Her partner Damian Lewis is one of the hopefuls for the part, but who’s to say his wife wouldn’t be able to down the shaken Martini? We’ve been wowed time and time again by McCrory both on stage and screen. From her Medea at the National Theatre, to her Cherie Blair in The Queen, to her well-cast Narcissa Malfoy in the Harry Potter franchise, she permeates a very mysterious and gothic aura in all her roles. Incidentally, this could create a very intriguing plot twist, as she had played an MP in Skyfall back in 2012.

Helen-McCrory

 

Eva Green

Ok, here’s another potential plot twist. Somehow, Vesper Lynd doesn’t die and is a triple-agent for MI6. Yes, very well, Green’s French-born, but for once, an actress gave us something beyond a vapid trophy Bond girl (no offence, La Signora Bellucci, if you’re reading this). All you’re ever guaranteed from Green are truthful performances with the right amount of blood-lusting objective – an ideal characteristic to anyone who’s day job involves killing people.

Eva-Green

 

Who do you think would make a good female James Bond? Let us know in the comment section below.