ON TINDER, BUT NOT LOOKING…

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You find someone worth swiping right for, you match, you meet, and then they tell you they’re not looking for anything… Da hell’s wrong with you people?

I’ve been dating or in relationships pretty much all my life past the age of 14… I’ve been married, I’ve had long distance relationships, I’ve had relationships with women, I’ve been on dates and told the other person I have a child, I’ve even two-timed dates, though not relationships.

But, here’s the thing: When my last long-term relationship – which lasted about eight years – ended, I thought, ‘Right, Evelyn. It’s nothing to worry about. This crap happens. Take some time off dating, and when the time’s right, you’ll know.’

So I did just that. I focused on myself and my child, got back into writing and made sure to have loads of time to spend by myself and with my girlfriends. Then, you know, two years had passed and I thought that, maybe, it was time to get back out there.

What did I discover? Lord save us all.

So, I decided to try the new approach everyone was talking about. I downloaded Tinder on my phone, put a nice photo, wrote some charming words as my description and started swiping. Lo and behold, I was getting match after match from people my age, younger and older. Red heads and dark-haired men. Tall and short. Broad and scrawny. It was like a sweet shop full of potential lovers…

As one does, I messaged some of them myself and waited for others to initiate the conversation themselves. The first shocker was people not answering back to a ‘Hello!’ or ‘How do you do?’ – what’s the point in matching if you’re not going to message me or answer my messages?

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Then, there were the others who said ‘Hi’ or answered my messages and clearly didn’t feel like chatting. I unmatched them faster than they could. Anyway… To cut a long story short, I agreed to meet up with about four people I matched with: One was my age, one was older and two were younger. All men, in case you’re wondering.

One date was an absolute disaster. I was literally sitting there talking to myself about politics, movies and home renovations. Two other dates went pretty well, and I was certain a second date would follow. The fourth one didn’t turn up.

But it turns out that there are loads of people who want to go on dates, but very few people who are willing to go on a second date and see where it goes, or who want to go to my place for fun and games.

From the two successful dates, all I got were messages such as ‘Hi Evelyn. You’re wonderful but I’m not ready to move on from my last relationship yet’ and ‘Hey you! Lovely meeting you last Thursday. I think you’re really hot and special, but I just want to be friends.’

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Like, please! I’m a 40-year-old woman, divorcee and mother, I can take your rejection. But I also know that it isn’t a rejection… It’s this new thing where you’re so scared of everything involving intimacy and love that you distance yourselves from it, but try to keep one finger in the pie lest you regret it next week.

Here’s the deal, pals. Tinder is for two things… Either to meet up for a date and see where it goes or to meet up for a good time. You failed at both.

So, to anyone out there matching with idiots on Tinder, I have one word of advice: Don’t let them own you. Learn from your date, and move on to someone else. I mean seriously, if you can’t even muster up the courage to go on a second date with someone you so clearly enjoyed spending time with, there’s no future here.

 

Have you experienced the same problem? Let us and Evelyn know in the comment section below!