A MIDDLE-AGED PERSON’S GUIDE TO EMOJIS

emojis-square

What the hell is an emoji? And why is my son sending me pictures of a poo with a smile on its brown face? Here’s what we’ve missed while we were at work providing for our children.

Just when I had got to grips with emoticons, someone mentioned the word ’emojis’.

“What?” I questioned. “They’re emoticons, darling.”

But, no, they were emojis. See, emoticons are created using ASCII (American Standard Code for Information Interchange), meaning that it has to be something like this: :), :(. Emojis, on the other hand are… wait for it… picture emoticons! The word comes from the Japanese word for picture (‘e’) and character (‘moji’). Mind blown, I know!

So, how does one use them?

Emojis, you see, are very sarcastic and metaphorical. Yes, you have the smiley face which obviously means you’re happy, and the sad face which you use when you’re upset, but some of them are rather – God, I can’t believe I’m saying this – ingenious.

And that’s why I want to take a look at some of my favourite ones and their meanings:

Manicure Emoji: This tiny picture shows nail polish being applied to a woman’s nails. The real meaning? ‘I’m that cool, and couldn’t give less of a f*ck.’ Or ‘I’m so fly, I just did it and feel no remorse.’ It’s a brilliant way of saying that you are basically nonchalant about a situation.

manicure

 

Information Desk Person: She is the sassiest girl in town, and she holds the secrets of the universe. She is the Information Desk Person with one hand displaying all the f*cks she doesn’t give. Use this to prove your sassiness is off the scale when someone tries to ruin your day, or as a way to show sarcasm at the end of a sentence.

behind-desk-girl

 

Poop Emoji: This one is already legendary, and many have been debating whether it’s the top part of an ice-cream cone or poo. I’ll go for poo, thank you, and this one can be used when you’re feeling like shit or when a situation is shit. You’re welcome.

poop-emoji

 

Crème Caramel: I have no words. I don’t know. I just send it to my son when he’s being ridiculous. It’s a crème bloody caramel, for goodness’ sake!

Party Emoji: It’s a party popper and it’s the perfect accompaniment to anything glorious or joyous that may happen in your life. It’s also great to use when you manage to beat someone at their own game, or win an argument.

Snout Emoji: For those times when you’ve eaten too much and can’t muster the strength to write ‘I’m such a piggy!’, you may use the Snout Emoji to perfectly express your feelings. Now THAT is useful!

snout-emoji

 

So, yes… I hope that gives you an idea of what emojis actually are. But while I think each of them is a portal into the new generation’s weird and wonderful minds, I still prefer the trusty, old emoticons. How about you? :)

What do you think of emojis? Which ones are your favourite?

Let us know in the comment section below!

 

Also, what, in reality, is a Facebook poke?

facebook-pokes